4 Gifts of Hospitality

 This is not going to be a blog about how 'we should be more hospitable.' If any of you know me by now, you can rest assured that I have no intent to 'should' you. Yes, I turned that into a verb. Sorry if I take license with the English language. Okay, not sorry after all.

It seems the world is intent on should-ing us. The Christian sub-world has picked up this theme and gladly carries it forth - enter Spiritual Gifts 101. I am no expert on human motivations (I leave that to philosophy and phenomenology academics), yet I am a bit of an expert of my own lack of motivation. And I am not generally very motivated by 'shoulds'. Likely, you aren't either. (Though I grant, many are, which is why it is such a popular motivational model). 

My goal is never to 'should' anyone, (okay, exception here: my kids!!), but rather to explore life as it is, as God brings it to us, and as we stumble or with valiant courage, walk through the valleys and mountains of life. In looking back, I start to see that there were events and gifts that came to me in what seem like very accidental ways. I say 'seem' because, as we all know, things are not always as they seem.

Hospitality can feel like a 'should' but for my formative years it really felt more like a way of life that was natural, exciting and truly life-giving. I don't mean that simply as a metaphor. If we hadn't had the habit of hospitality, I likely wouldn't have Sam in my life and 5 lovely lives that came about as a result. I don't commend the practice of hospitality to anyone as a 'should' but rather as a great privilege and hopefully, just a bit less adventurous than what I've experienced. 

There is no way to think 'hospitality' without thinking 'people'. Hospitality is considered one of the spiritual gifts, and as church groups and Bible studies ponder these things, I'd rather just move out of analysis and into experience: what are the gifts of hospitality? I use 'gifts' - plural- intentionally. I am not talking about what it's like to have the gift of hospitality (yawn, sigh, 'I should have that gift I suppose,' I hear your thoughts respond :) ); No - I'm talking about the gifts that I've seen come directly to me as a result of hospitality.

1. Books

Wait, what? I hear you say. Where do books come into 'hospitality'? Well-stocked bookshelves in many homes and guest spaces have given me deep soul-nourishment. Once I had reason to spend the night in Tampa, Florida, with some family friends when I was 16 years old. Their guest room where I was staying happened to have the book, The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I picked it up sometime around bedtime. I didn't go to sleep until I had read the whole thing through. I was instantly transfixed by this book - it carried me through explorations of a practice I had already taken to heart and suddenly I felt that I was not so unusual and unique in my intimate, ongoing, constant brain-chatter to God. "Doesn't everyone talk to God all the time?" I had wondered. After reading that I thought maybe some people do. I was strangely comforted and thankful for that encounter. And it happened when I was receiving rest as a guest in another's home. It seems when I am a guest and there are good books about, I will get less physical rest and sleep so as to avail myself of their rich treasures hiding on their shelves. 

2. A Husband

(Can it get more ridiculous?!) When I reflect on all the crazy that happened to bring Sam into my life, there is one detail I have only recently discovered that I overlooked: hospitality. If my family had not been in the habit of throwing our doors open to strangers, Sam would not have likely found welcome in our home that fateful night of October 1999. Habitual hospitality led to him sleeping in our house the night there was a break-in, thus speeding up the 'get-to-know-you' phase of relationship. Yes, I landed a husband in part because of the practice of hospitality.

3. First-hand Education

Practicing hospitality has meant hundreds of conversations with people of all kinds from all parts of the world, with all kinds of experiences. Schools will regularly attempt to expose students to exotic and glorious tales from people of erudition and great wisdom and learning. And yet our home is a school that brings people through our doors and engages them and we all learn things we would never learn otherwise. Education comes through engagement and what better way to engage than by sitting face-to-face (mask-to-mask if necessary) across a table over a warm meal and cup of tea (or coffee)? As our world begins to re-connect after months of isolation, maybe we have many more moments of education to look forward to - to welcome and embrace friends new and old, as both our hearts and homes open to each other.

4. Deep Connection

I cannot force deep connection with anyone - but I can create an atmosphere that makes it more likely. If I listen and express curiosity, open my heart and mind to another, my heart has become hospitable and welcoming. Hospitality is a state of heart, much more than a state of home. I have received so much in the way of deep connection by simply staying put in a living room, sprawled across a couch and conversing with whoever happens to be there at the time. For me, this requires a suspension of time - a total focus that says, 'You are all that matters in this moment.' If I look at time as simply a commodity to be used for a certain task or project, I may not receive the gifts hospitality has to offer. This is not to say that accomplishing tasks is unimportant: indeed, tasks are essential to hospitality. For example, Sam recently built a ramp up to our front steps because the old steps were cumbersome and falling apart and difficult to navigate. He built the ramp - an arduous task - in part because of his hospitable heart: caring for those who enter our home. As important as that task/project was, he didn't work on it when there were people wandering in and out. If someone did come by at the time, he would stop what he was doing, wander into the living room or sit at the dining room, or outside and chat with whoever was there. The heart of hospitality is expressed in making the person you're with all-important. I have received so much in the way of deepening connections with others because hospitality has paved the way and opened up these possibilities. 

Notice that heart-hospitality that is a state of being, rather than a focus on fine china and crumpets. It isn't something one can just decide to be; it is, rather, a state of growth and orientation. I am hospitality-oriented - I will orient myself to the people in my path. I do believe hospitality is difficult in a productivity-model society. It is easy to think that taking time for others detracts from our ability to accomplish things. There may be truth in that - so my question is, what are the things we are really trying to accomplish? Do these supercede taking unplanned time for others in our day? Of course hospitality can happen in more planned/pre-arranged ways - not everyone will have the spontaneity that comes so naturally to me.

Hospitality is not a project or a thing to 'work on' (these all feel very 'should-like' to me). It is rather a way of becoming - a way to be. I am so thankful for the gifts I've received from others' hospitality, and for the ways I continue to receive blessing upon blessing from the natural rhythm of a welcoming heart and home.