Bees in My Bonnet

 I like the thought of 'turning' - in this case, turning the number of my age, the years I've completed of life I didn't volunteer for, of life that was handed to me, that I now know has been a gift - an unasked for gift, a surprising gift, but a gift nonetheless. On birthdays we typically receive gifts (unless you are Chinese - then on your birthday it is a chance to give gifts to all your friends). And I wonder if this is to try and remind us that our lives are gifts. Even the dark days. The lonely days. The 'Well,-that-didn't-go-like-I-thought-it-would' days.  In Spanish you don't 'turn' a number - you complete a year. It is a more accurate rendering I suppose - the "cumpleanos". Turning 47 doesn't mean I'm beginning my 47th year. It means I finished it. I feel a year older already!! But in this turning is a chance for reflecting. Today was another day in my life. A completed day. A special day, to be sure - I only get a birt...

  I guess it all began when I was about 7 yrs old and my father left my mom with 3 girls to raise alone. No visits, no support. Just a dead beat dad. My mom did her best; she struggled with major depression, but she always provided.   I think I became very promiscuous in my teen years because of not having a dad. I was looking for male love any way I could get it. When I was 18, a senior in high school, I found myself pregnant. My first thought was that I would get married and have a baby. Even then, before knowing Christ, I knew I was growing a life in me. The boyfriend and I even went to K-Mart and bought rings.  I don’t remember how it happened but we ended up going to meet with a Lutheran Pastor from the church my family attended. He talked to us and gave us our options, one of them being abortion. Yes from a man of God, I think, we were given the option of abortion.  This was, of course, back in 1972; Roe v Wade had just been passed. We decided that this wa...

In case anyone is in doubt, I'll just put this out there: I need a LOT of help. I am not type A or even type B. By the time you get to X, Y or Z...I'm in there somewhere. I've always been scatter-brained - I still have some of my report cards which repeatedly pointed out my daydreaming habits. So, I'm sure you will be surprised to find out that I struggle with a thing called Chronic Disorganization. Combine that with a thing called A.D.D., (I like to think of that as Alternately Designed Diva), and a few other acronyms and labels that are especially helpful in addressing my various issues, and you get ME. That is my preface to the rest of what I'm about to put here. I'm posting this partly because it is so entertaining...but also because I am exceedingly grateful for the delightful person who wrote the response - who helped me out in my distress some time ago. Not only did she help me address a potentially riddled-with-relational-mines interaction, with hilar...

I'm not going to start off by telling you any reason why I have the right to tell you these things.  My thoughts should prove helpful regardless, I imagine.  If I were talking to a group of parents who are struggling with the challenges of raising a child with A.D.D. here are some of the things I might say to them: Before I get into all the nitty gritty, I want to begin with a basic premise - seemingly so obvious that it might be redundant to state it, but I believe it is a foundational starting point from which to parent any child - or even to interact with any human being, and it is this:  Your child was created by God, with His very fingerprints all over them.  God stamped His own image, His own self, into the very person you deal with on a daily basis.  Your child is created imago dei  - in God's image, by God Himself.  So we can all agree, God wanted your child to exist, and was intimately involved in the process of making and shaping this chil...

I'm not going to address the fact that there are those who deny the existence of a psychological condition called 'Attention Deficit' (I left off 'Disorder' on purpose).  If you need evidence just videotape my life for a while and then make your decision! Regardless of where you stand, I have become quite familiar with this territory and figure it might be helpful for others to glean from my experience.  Here are 12 tips for Moms with A.D.D.   If you need help understanding your child with A.D.D. I'd be happy to answer your questions from my own experience and memory of being a child with A.D.D.  Yes, putting two-and-two together - that means you don't grow out of it or recover - it is a lifelong personality style.   Everyone has some hiccups in their personality - things that don't fit with the majority culture - nuances that might make life difficult for us or others.  A.D.D. just happens to be one of those types of things.  Learning our struggles...

There are many factors that harm what could otherwise be healthily functioning relationships.  But there are two that are especially toxic - two lies that, left unchecked, uncorrected, un-remediated, will  without a doubt wreak havoc on your relationships.  Think over them carefully and see if you have fallen prey to the trap of believing (and acting upon) these two lies: 1.  I cannot be happy/content unless others do/say/behave/operate according to a certain set of prescribed behaviours.  (These can be as varied as how the tube of toothpaste is flattened to whether my spouse/friend/child attends Church regularly). What does this look like in relationships?  Here's how it goes...   Scenario 1: Joe wakes up one morning.  Kind of groggy, sleepy and headachy.  He drags himself downstairs and puts on the coffee.  Only to find the filter wasn't changed and it was day-old grounds left in the machine.  The water then spills over the...

In the interest of full disclosure, let me tell you that what you are about to read isn't my normal attitude.  But it is, for real, one I had today.  It is all well and good to write when I have nice things to say.  When my words will challenge, convict and inspire.  The words I wrote in frustration today I will put below so you can enjoy my full-blown honesty.  This may give you a glimpse into my 'not-so-rosy' days.  It may discourage you.  I don't know.  Take it or leave it. So I had arranged all the kids to be doing something that might keep them occupied (and it didn't work).  I decided I needed to catch up some on my reading through the Bible AGENDA.  Yeah, I put 'agenda' in CAPS because that's all it seems to be - some lofty goal and virtuous aspiration.  Bible reading can't hurt, I muse.  So why not?  Maybe this could help my soul.  Maybe I will change.  Maybe I will become more...inspiring?  Graci...

It's been a stressful week for me. Let me just say to all single parents out there: I take my hat off to you - in the most powerful, non-literal sense I can muster.  It is such a challenge to parent single-handed.  To think there are parents out there who do this all the time  is mind-boggling to me.  You have my utmost respect. Sam and Caleb are on a trip to the Philippines with a team from our Church.  And I encouraged this. What was I thinking?!?! Well, I was thinking it would be good for Caleb.  It would be good for our family.  It would be good all 'round.  And it is.  In ways I never imagined. It is good for me to experience these almost two weeks without the help of dear husband. It is good for me to see what I take for granted. It is good for Sam and Caleb to experience and serve in a far-off place. It is good for my children to grow in grace with me. It is good for me to see my shortcomings even more than I already...

Here I am eating humble pie.  If only it would truly make me humble. So much for not having Mommy-guilt. I spoke too soon. Because at supper tonight Timothy was reluctant to eat his refried beans and cilantro rice.  Never mind the leftover salmon crepes.  All he wanted was applesauce and PB&J, which clearly was not on the menu. So then I urged him to eat just one bite.  He would have none of it.  Then the crisis comes.  Is this a battle I want to wage?  Do I really care if he eats the beans and rice?  Is it worth it?  Am I a bad Mom if I back off? The debate goes on in my head: should I make an issue of this?  My instinct says NO.  I wouldn't want to be forced to eat when I don't want to, nor would I want to be forced to eat something I don't particularly care for.  But I am not a child and have developed a wide range of appetites for varied consumables.  Don't I want my kid to be as versatile in epicurean d...

I hear about this concept of Mommy guilt.  Here's a guilty confession for you:  I rarely - and I mean very RARELY ever feel guilt.  Now that I have alienated my audience thoroughly, let me clarify. When I feel guilt - a healthy, 'I should do better, be better, change in this area...' type of guilt - I feel great joy and hope abounds in my soul.  I thank the Lord that I am alive and well and that there is some sense within me of a common bond with all mankind.  It happens so rarely that I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't feel more of it.  But I so very much want any guilt I feel to be rooted in a true sense of God's ideal for me as His child.  Don't get me wrong - there is probably so much more guilt I should  feel (relatives: no need to chime in here with all the things you'd like me to feel guilty for!)  I just rejoice when God reveals to me clearly how He wants me to change and gives me hope and courage to take steps in the right directio...

Worry. Fear. Guilt. Woulda, coulda, shoulda - what ifs... Do these rule your life? What causes us to have anxiety issues? On the personal front we have worries that nag at our thoughts: what might others think of me if they knew XYZ? We have guilt: 'I shouldn't have________, I wish I hadn't __________' We have regrets: 'I could've done things differently. We have fears - of the unknown: 'What if I/he/she gets sick? What if I/they face pain or difficulty? What if God moves us from this place? What if my circumstances change? What if something goes wrong? What if I fail?' Fear, anxiety and worry must be universal to being human. I, for one, thought I had enough worry-ers about me that I thought I could take a pass - I thought, 'I don't struggle with this!' But, having children, especially having them living inside your own body for a while, lends itself very naturally to fear, worry and anxiety. I wonder, what does God's Word tell...