Bees in My Bonnet

This is how it had worked from Sam's angle: The previous night he had interrogated the couple who knew us both before we knew each other.  "Do you think this is a bit fast?  Should I wait?  I've called her parents - they've given permission for me to ask Sarah - I'm thinking of asking her tomorrow - We've only known each other for 5 weeks.  Do you think I'm crazy?"  Thankfully, they told him of how quickly they were engaged and married, and how when you feel God leading you, you follow even if it seems a bit odd. I will forever be grateful to them for coming through for me! I'll have to check with Sam if they said some other things I'm forgetting... He rigged up the email to send me messages throughout the day.  Then he phoned a package delivery company in Hong Kong and set up a meeting time at a nearby train station.  He had a package for them to deliver.  The meeting time was 2 p.m. (or so - can't recall).  Sam had bought the ring th...

Now let me back up a little.  Sam and I were addicted to email communications.  It was our way to feel connected throughout the long days of waiting to see each other.  Throughout the day I would habitually (okay, obsessively) check email in case he wrote.  At 10 a.m. I received one and replied to it.  At noon he sent another one.  I answered it.  At 2 p.m. he sent another one - but each time he wasn't answering the ones I sent.  But I never noticed this small detail.  He would say things like, 'Only 4 hours 'til I'm off work.'  Or, 'I'll see you six hours from now.'  I was expecting him to arrive around 6 p.m.  Then at 2ish the doorbell rings.  So I know it isn't him.  Turns out it's the crazy Hong Kong police with their dumb award thingy.  Or so I thought... So I'm standing there still wondering what this huge box is doing in my driveway when another guy swiftly lifts the box upwards to reveal a kneeling po...

So this Chinese man hands me a plaque and since I can't dig it out of boxes right now I'll try and remember what it said: BRAVERY AWARD       Presented by  The Hong Kong Police Department This is to award you for your brave actions on the night of October 2nd 1999 during which a burglary occurred at this location blah blah blah... And there was some finer print which in my groggy state I failed to read carefully... "and this award will demand of you a commitment for life..." As I was looking this over I noticed the huge box sitting in the driveway. My first thought was, "Oh great.  I can just imagine a huge, gaudy, gold and red-painted trophy which will have no place to sit but on the balcony in the rain.  Just what I need." Now all this sounds quite unbelievable, except that a few weeks prior to this my accomplice who knocked the escaping burglar down did receive an official Citizenship Award and recognition from the Hon...

On Saturday, November 13th I woke up anticipating the days events.  It can be very easy for a fast-growing relationship to become all-consuming - to focus all one's energies on it and think and do nothing else.  I knew I could sit around the house all day counting down the hours until Sam would arrive in the evening.  Or I could use the day for other things - things of pleasure, interest or rest - if only to distract myself from the waiting. There happened to be  a school fair on that day - with craft stalls, games and the like - at my old high school (ShaTin Collge).  I donned a white, flowy, embroidered, peasant-type blouse - feeling very romantic and headed off to the fair. At the fair I acquired a pretty garland - tiny yellow roses woven around about with green leaf-like twine, with ribbons and delicate touches.  I came home and seeing as it was Saturday with nothing on the agenda, and as I was tired, I decided to take a nap.  The way things h...

That week my parents left and life went on as normal - as normal as it can be when twitterpated. I was falling behind in my class - trying to teach English and focus when all I could think of was Sam.  I had been doing fairly well in this course, but after the burglary and the ensuing roller-coaster I found it very difficult to concentrate on grammar, teaching methods and school work. Around the time my parents left a couple we knew came for  trip to Hong Kong, then on to China.  This couple had known me since I was about 10 and had also, independent of us, known Sam's family - since he was around 10!!!  They stayed with us a couple days and then decided to stop and visit Sam before heading on to their other visits.  We had some time to chat with them and they were on their way. I didn't know it at the time, but Sam had been praying about significant life choices - involving me - and had decided to seek their counsel about these major life decisions. ...

The next weekend when he arrived we went out to eat at a greasy-joint Indian place where if you carefully watch you may catch a view of a quick rodent sneaking along behind a gutter that failed to get properly enclosed.  The food was delicious.  (For you Hong Kongers, this was in Chung King Mansions - where only the brave dare to venture).  I never asked Sam, but now I wonder if I didn't impress him with my extreme flexibility in eating ambience.  Because, really, it was not the most romantic place to eat out.  But romance is all in the heart - more than the bells and whistles of exterior candlelight and caviar (yech).  A favourite verse of ours in establishing our home has been 'Better a dry crust with peace than feasting with strife.'  People matter more than food.  And at this point, Sam was mattering very much to me. I have it on good word that Sam did a little shopping on his own that weekend. The following evening my Mom had asked if sh...

I went to bed and couldn't wrap my mind around what was happening. I had broken all of my own little 'rules' - like no dating, no physical contact with the male species... oh my, I was in over my head as far as rule-breaking goes. I had a day or two off from school and Sam had invited me to come to visit anytime, so I took the opportunity the following Tuesday to go and scope out the land where he was working in China. I was a bit unprepared for the opulent luxury he lived in. I was met at the train station on the China side by Sam's personal driver. I got in the van and we drove for an hour, finally arriving outside the big city of Shen Zhen in a smaller town where the factory was. Sam was working for Graco as a liason with their manufacturer in China - mostly strollers and playyards and such. We entered the compound which had beautiful grounds - like entering a golf-course. For you in the west this is hard to imagine - but just picture riding in a Mercedes Van - ...

That evening we decided to really be disciplined and not stay up late talking. Sam didn't want to be tired going to Church the next day. Fair enough. If I had been paying attention I would have learned a lot about Sam from this - that he is intentional and thoughtful about all of life and prioritizes the things that matter to him. I suppose we all prioritize, just I do it very sloppily - unthinkingly and unaware. God knew I needed someone like Sam in my life! So far, we were hand-holding friends who really liked each other. Nothing more was clarified. I thought I was in a dream. I figured it was pretty significant for Sam to say something about marriage (like that he would have to be willing to ask me to marry him if he tells me he loves me...). But it was all so new - could he really be thinking this?! Of course I, being the romantic, far-fetched idealist that I was, could only think of marriage from the beginning - because half-hearted romantic involvements were definit...

Sam had not yet had dinner. I can't remember how we remedied that, but I think we were both being fed on adrenaline. Someone mentioned how well I remember these things. Keep in mind that adrenaline imprints the brain to make memories stick. I had an adrenaline high coming off of the burglary - it took weeks to dissipate. Then the emotional roller-coaster of this new relationship, and my memories seem crystal clear! We spent that evening talking into the wee hours. Still no 'relationship defining talk' yet. He didn't even fill me in on the talk with Mom and Dad. That's okay, though I was dying to hear about it...I just held my peace. I knew this was delicate territory and to tread lightly. The next day we just hung out doing whatever - I remember we went somewhere on a double-decker bus. I'm not sure if it was an errand we were asked to run or if I was just taking him somewhere to show him the sights. We sat on the top deck, first row to get a good vie...

That weekend when Sam came I had a feeling things would be different. He arrived, and asked if he could spend some time with my parents - ALONE. Now, let me tell you what my plan all along had been regarding finding a life mate. I did not have the best relationship with my parents. I don't need to go into it all here (out of honour to them and to me!) But suffice it to say, I wanted to keep my personal life entirely private from them. (I know this hurt their feelings, but that's just the way it was). My plan had been to be single forever. But IF Mr. Right were to come along, I had it all worked out. I would develop this friendship entirely apart from their input. I would secretly become engaged and then 'go in the back door' so to speak and get their approval after it was all said and done. Nice, tidy, no involvement on their part and entirely in MY control. Well, as you can see, none of this story was in my control - a lesson I guess we all need to learn at s...

The long 24-hour email fast was over! I probably should have held back a bit more, but I had exercised such great patience and now the floodgates were opened. We continued our email dialogues and that evening he even called me. At $1-2 a minute, this is no small endeavour! We had about a 5-8 minute, very awkward conversation. It seemed we were better in person or in writing. But there was no more relational talk. Just talking about our lives, who we were, our thoughts, ideas, opinions (in no short supply on my end!) and our aspirations for the future. We both had a desire to live in non-Western cultures and mostly desired to give our lives fully to whatever God had in store for us. At the time I think we assumed this would be for us to be missionaries. I think God smiled at that, whether it was His plan or not. And God was in this, from the very beginning. We prayed fervently for each other. I think my prayers were a bit more honest than Sam's - more like, 'Let him...

He picked up on the lack of my enthusiasm in communicating. And I think my 'absence' (albeit for such a brief period), awoke in him a sense of the truth of the feelings of his own heart. At the same time we were still only 2 weeks into really getting to know each other. I remember being at the British Council where I was taking classes towards certification in TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language). I decided to check my email during a break and the most beautiful words danced across the scene at me. I wanted to jump up and scream - but composed myself. Instead I just smiled and smiled and could not hold back the tears. I know it sounds terribly unromantic for a dashingly handsome young man to declare his love for you via email. In fact, I don't think he even did such a thing - but that is what my heart read into it, and for a brief moment I indulged the impulse. Looking back I realize that it was his uncouth, direct confession of affection towards me and not...

Sorry to have left the story for so long. It being Valentines day, I think I'll get a move on since I am still only 2 weeks or so into the story. Maybe I can aim to get two more weeks done by the time the year is over... So there we were on our walk home with Sam telling me his life story. I was going to digress and tell his life story here, but I'll leave that for now and maybe revisit it some time. A few highlights were: him growing up in Zambia, heading off to boarding school at age 5 - away from home for 3 months at a time! But he had 3 older sisters who doted on him so it sounds like he did okay. (Side note: when considering marrying someone, do observe if it is a younger brother with 3 older sisters - the kind a fellow this turns out to be can be very interesting, having had the love heaped on him since infancy! :) ) He spent time in the U.S. throughout his childhood/growing up years. His Dad had his first brain tumour when Sam was only 10 or so. Throughout the n...

On that walk home, I asked one question, and the rest of the time, Sam talked. I asked him to tell me about his life. He began with growing up in Zambia, and told me about his family. He had three older sisters (who doted on him with all manner of affection one would expect from having three older sisters). I don't remember all he told me, but he did tell stories of his growing up years. It sounded like he came from a wonderful family - stable, loving, nurturing and who sincerely loved the Lord and sought to serve Him with all of their beings. He talked of going off to boarding school at Sakeji, when he was just 5 years old. It sounded absolutely horrifying to me - thinking of a little tyke going away for three months at a time! At least for his comfort he did have loving big sisters to cry on and look after him. Then he told of coming to the U.S. to live for a while, because his Dad had developed some headaches and needed medical attention. He was 12 when he left Za...

I wasn't going to be so rude as to say no I won't, but I did have an internal battle going on. I had told myself I would not date - that I was determined to not let myself fall down the slippery slope of emotional entanglements. This sounds quite silly and reveals something about me which I'm not too shy to share publicly! That at the core I was scared of being hurt - of loving without being loved in return. I recognized the weakness of my own heart and sought to protect myself by remaining aloof from male companionship. However, against my better judgement, I often failed. I couldn't help but to be openly curious. (Curiosity and I have a love/hate relationship!) But it was troubling nonetheless to break one of my personal rules about going on dates. I told myself this was merely being a good hostess and that was the extent of it. Anyway, we got to the mall, and we began to walk around. Contrary to what my Mom had said, I didn't know of a lot of place...

I will continue to tell our story - can't believe I've only gotten as far as one week into it - with 32 parts. So I guess that was all like Chapter 1 and this is Chapter 2 - or some such thing. If you've been following along, I shared some of our emails so you get the picture of what our communication was like. The second weekend following the burglary, Sam again needed to be picked up from the train station. I don't think I was driving in Hong Kong yet, so my Mom was going to get him. Of course I was a little excited about him coming a second weekend. I wasn't sure how often he'd come, or what our friendship would amount to, but it was a warm and pleasant thought to have a friend - even if our friendship would be minimal - around for a day or two. I also did not anticipate the underhanded, crafty ways of my Mother (for which I am now quite thankful in retrospect - who knows, without her gentle suggestions, we may not be where we are today!) What am ...