Bees in My Bonnet

 I like the thought of 'turning' - in this case, turning the number of my age, the years I've completed of life I didn't volunteer for, of life that was handed to me, that I now know has been a gift - an unasked for gift, a surprising gift, but a gift nonetheless. On birthdays we typically receive gifts (unless you are Chinese - then on your birthday it is a chance to give gifts to all your friends). And I wonder if this is to try and remind us that our lives are gifts. Even the dark days. The lonely days. The 'Well,-that-didn't-go-like-I-thought-it-would' days.  In Spanish you don't 'turn' a number - you complete a year. It is a more accurate rendering I suppose - the "cumpleanos". Turning 47 doesn't mean I'm beginning my 47th year. It means I finished it. I feel a year older already!! But in this turning is a chance for reflecting. Today was another day in my life. A completed day. A special day, to be sure - I only get a birt...

 Sometimes I wonder about things...random things...things that I then wonder if anyone else wonders about. Lately I've been with people in their pain, and with myself in my own, and finding my own pain somewhat inescapable, I began to wonder more about pain - what it does to me, to others, and where does God fit in all this? I haven't spent long on physical pain (" such a bother," I tell myself). Instead, I've allowed my (admittedly very small) encounter with physical pain to launch me into exploration of emotional pain.  Here's the thing: I have a wound on my forehead, covered by a bandaid, and a blog and facebook page where I talk about my wound, and people ask me about it, and it's kosher to talk openly about a physical pain because of the thing on my head. Now let's imagine it differently: what if my pain were in my soul, where I find immovable burdens press down on me and I spend every un-spoken-for-moment in a desperation I can't explain? Wha...

 I fell in love with the book of Psalms when I was a kid. You've probably already gathered that I was a bit of an odd kid. So it may not come as a surprise that I found delight in more unusual things than most kids my age. Like my plastic elephants. There was a phase where we somehow had a bunch of small, plastic, toy elephants. They entered my menagerie of inanimate-object-friends and were ceremoniously lined up with my other imaginary friend-beings. Now, most parents would be delighted to find a daughter in love with the Psalms. Thing is, I didn't want them to know. I didn't want them to think I was spiritual - or something (with emphasis on something). So, I read Psalms with a flashlight under the covers at night and hoped not to get caught. Maybe it was my rebellious streak or something (again, emphasis on something) , but I didn't want it to be known that I secretly found the poetic words so beautiful and gripping. Granted, I also read Charlotte's Web with a fl...

We have Christmas at Christmas time.  We have Christmas in July.  But today I'd like to celebrate Christmas...once again.  I should save my thoughts for another time, I suppose.  But these are the overflow of my heart today... I have been mulling over the thought of 'inner healing'.  Yes, I put that in quotes so you can catch my meaning - is it real?  What is it exactly?  How do you know when you've experienced inner healing ?  I mean, really.  What do people mean when they go through life and experience some heartache or tragedy or trauma and then come out of it through some "journey" and arrive on the golden shores waltzing under the welcome banner of "You have now entered INNER HEALING.  Enjoy your stay." I don't mean to mock it.  Okay, maybe I do.  Maybe because it is hard to grasp - and I wonder what it looks like for each of us - and that begs the question, do we all need some experience of inner healing?  Maybe...

Tucking Timo in tonight, he asked, 'How long is it until I die?' I told him only God knows - it can be a day, a week, a year or 100 years!  But the Bible tells us that every day of our lives He already knows and has planned for and He will take us home and help us when that time comes. Then he said, 'I wonder what it's like to die.' I guess we all wonder that.  And I wish we all gave it a little more thought, because even the wisest man ever (apart from the Lord!) said it is better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of partying.  It is good for us to consider our end rather than squander our days without giving a thought to what is to come - for good or bad! Even so, Timo pressed on: 'Will the world ever end?' He's 6 by the way.  In 1st grade.  He's wondering if there's school tomorrow - because of a potential strike.  But he lumps those questions all together - school, death, the end of the world.  You know, your normal,...

Here is a hymn that I love to sing at Thanksgiving.  Some of the words were a bit archaic so I took poetic license and changed them (apologies to August Ludvig Storm, 1862-1914). Thanks to God for my Redeemer, Thanks for all that You provide! Thanks for times now but a memory, Thanks for Jesus by my side!           Thanks for pleasant, balmy springtime,           Thanks for colours in the fall!           Thanks for tears by now forgotten,           Thanks for peace within my soul! Thanks for prayers that You have answered, Thanks for all that You’ve denied! Thanks for storms that I have weathered, Thanks for all that You supply!           Thanks for pain, and thanks for pleasure,        ...

Just after writing my previous post on all the family events, I sat down to play the piano.  Other than jumping on a trampoline, there is no therapy quite like the piano and an old hymnal or two.  Here are some of the choice gleanings I stumbled upon tonight - read and wonder why you (or I) don't peruse old hymnals more often. (Side note: I used to lay in bed with stacks of hymnals beside my bed and peruse them before bed). Thou Mighty to Save ................. Fanny Crosby O Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, Who gavest Thy life for me, No room in my heart for pleasures That have not their trust in Thee; Earth has no abiding city, - Not here is my place of rest, - I seek for a brighter country, A home with the pure and blest. The world like a dream will vanish, The hope like the years decay, Its beauties like dewy blossoms Will wither and pass away; But Thou wilt abide unchanging, My sure defense wilt be; O Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, I'm trusting alone in Thee. O wha...

Last night there was a ladies event at Church titled 'Stone Soup'.  It involved the telling of the tale that we are probably all familiar with - of poor weary travellers longing for a meal and coaxing it out of stingy villagers.  It got me to thinking - especially after Janine's wonderful talk about all that keeps us from generously opening our hearts, lives and resources to others (insert shameless plug for Janine here: www.janinepetry.com - still don't know how to turn that blue)... I recognized a stingy-ness in my own heart.  I have to be honest that the thing I am most stingy with is not money, time, affection, serving, friendship or food!  It is my love that I am most apt to withhold.  And there is very good reason for this.  Reason - but not justification.  I guess I haven't figured out how to give love without making myself vulnerable to attack, rejection, pain, discouragement and frustration.  I look at how God loves and am awed that He...

A children's hymn for you today: In our work and in our play, Jesus, ever with us stay; May we always strive to be true and faithful unto Thee. Then we truthfully can sing, we are children of the King. My we in Thy strength subdue evil tempers, words untrue, Thoughts impure, and deeds unkind, all things hateful to Thy mind. Then we truthfully can sing, we are children of the King. Children of the King are we! May we loyal to Him be; Try to please Him every day, in our work and in our play. Then we truthfully can sing, we are children of the King. by Whitfield, G. Wills 1841-1891 Now, a disclaimer. I do love hymns and I do love theology. I understand the words of this may muddy the waters of theology - because even if we fail to strive or fail to try to please our King, we are still His children. But the concepts are good - that we carry His presence with us in all we do throughout the day, and this reality should certainly affect the things we do, the thoughts we think and the ...

This is probably familiar to most of you, but in case it isn't I want to share it here - one of my favourite hymns. Make me a captive, Lord, and then I shall be free. Force me to render up my sword, and I shall conqueror be. I sink in life’s alarms when by myself I stand; Imprison me within Thine arms, and strong shall be my hand. My heart is weak and poor until it master find; It has no spring of action sure, it varies with the wind . It cannot freely move till Thou has wrought its chain; Enslave it with Thy matchless love, and deathless it shall reign. My power is faint and low till I have learned to serve; It lacks the needed fire to glow, it lacks the breeze to nerve. It cannot drive the world until itself be driven; Its flag can only be unfurled when Thou shalt breathe from heaven. My will is not my own till Thou hast made it Thine; If it would reach a monarch’s throne, it must its crown resign. It only stands unbent amid the clashing strife, When...

Our Father God and Shepherd, Who guides us in Your ways, Who tenderly directs us in paths of truth and grace - Though often times we suffer, beset with many fears, With patient hope and firm faith, help us to persevere. In mercy love and patience, You hem our lives with peace! Your rod and staff bring comfort though disconcerted we Forget Your Father's heart is set on our holiness - You draw us back to Your fold - to pastures of Your rest.

I was just trying to sing Hannah to sleep.  (Yes, I've taken a hiatus from blogging - we added Hannah to our brood two months ago!) Regarding my absenteeism from this blog - I just thought I'd mention that I don't make it a goal to just fill space on here. If I have something significant enough to say, I will - believe me, I will! Often I have lots to say but would get in trouble if I said it all. So perhaps an anonymous blog will be started soon. I can't say. It seems Hannah has a bit of colic, so I don't anticipate any regularity with blogging though I intend to at least get back to it and finish the saga of meeting Sam. I intend also to do a hymn of the day/week/whatever blog regularly, since there are so many gems fallen by the wayside that I'd like to highlight. I regularly make comments about how I feel about hymns, music, and worship in general. I'll just throw this out quickly because it has irritated me and I finally figured out why. It ...