The Hymns Jesus Sang

 I fell in love with the book of Psalms when I was a kid. You've probably already gathered that I was a bit of an odd kid. So it may not come as a surprise that I found delight in more unusual things than most kids my age. Like my plastic elephants. There was a phase where we somehow had a bunch of small, plastic, toy elephants. They entered my menagerie of inanimate-object-friends and were ceremoniously lined up with my other imaginary friend-beings.

Now, most parents would be delighted to find a daughter in love with the Psalms. Thing is, I didn't want them to know. I didn't want them to think I was spiritual - or something (with emphasis on something). So, I read Psalms with a flashlight under the covers at night and hoped not to get caught. Maybe it was my rebellious streak or something (again, emphasis on something), but I didn't want it to be known that I secretly found the poetic words so beautiful and gripping. Granted, I also read Charlotte's Web with a flashlight under the covers, but didn't every child at some point? 

As I grew in both my faith and my discoveries of Scripture (and these didn't always entirely align - even in my 'athiest-phase' I still found Scripture fascinating), I did seem to center over and over again on the Psalms. 

If you don't know me, or know me well, you need to know I am a pianist. Some say I have a gift in this, but if they'd seen how poorly I practiced and how hard it was for me to learn to keep my left hand quiet while my right hand played a stronger melody, they might take back the 'gifted' comment. I am evidence of the tortoise in the tortoise and the hare fable. I just never really quit piano and so whatever gift there was had to be unearthed at some point. I wasn't exactly determined to keep at it. I begged to quit. But that was never an option, and so here I am, sometimes curiously obsessed with random music things - usually pertaining to church music and hymnody, which I am quite geeky about. (Sorry if having 'about' at the end of a sentence is bothersome. Deal with it). 

Where am I going with all this? I have always loved reading the Psalms - even the ones that make me cringe - like in Psalm 137 (I dare not quote it here, oh my!) or even the dismal opening of Psalm 2: Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? Often getting to chapter 2 would bring my Psalm reading to a swift end. Psalm 1, I could handle. It made sense. It was simple. I could get it.  Psalm 2 on the other hand - to a kid's mind was just one of those 'Maybe the adults understand this,' moments and I'd move on. 

I have always loved hymns. I collect hymnals. My oldest one is from 1823 and is entirely Isaac Watts hymns. I found some real treasures in there. So it seems, God has used historic church music, even going way back to the historic Psalms of David, to speak to my soul. They have fascinated me. Captured my attention. Caused me to muse (hmmm, muse...music...I see a connection!!) 

Tonight I was sitting with my niece, Kara, as we were elder-sitting with Grandma and she had a Bible and was about to read it aloud to Grandma. Grandma requested a Psalm, and I thought, 'This will be fun!' And it was. We basically went from Psalm 1 to 150 and highlighted every chapter we knew between us. We didn't quote them all or we'd still be there, but I think I finally met my match. This 15 year-old niece could quote almost as much or as many as I could. I even told her about Psalm 137.

Even in the casual exploration, there were things that spoke to me, that were beautifully relevant to my life - even to the week, the day, the moment-by-moment experiences I've been in. (And, Moment by Moment is a well-known hymn, by the way :D )

"Dying with Jesus by death reckoned mine; 

Living with Jesus a new life divine; 

Looking to Jesus 'til Glory doth shine! 

Moment by moment, oh Lord, I am Thine!

Moment by Moment I'm kept in His love,

Moment by Moment I've life from above!

Looking to Jesus 'til Glory doth shine!

Moment by Moment, dear Lord, I am Thine!"

In my early teens when I would read the Psalms, the poetic nature  of the words transfixed my attention, and I wanted to re-write them all in my own words. I was still in the juvenile 'let's rhyme everything' phase, and the ways I reworded them are pretty appalling to look at now. But it was my way of exploring these emotive thoughts with fresh eyes.

As I sat with Kara, I began to reflect on my journey with the Psalms. And my journey with church music. My journey with hymnody. I grant this is not everyone's inclination, to love to look in the past, at ways people before me have worshiped, have engaged their souls with God. And as I'm prone to do, I take my thoughts to Jesus and say, 'What do you think of this?' And the thought came to me, "The Psalms are the hymns Jesus sang!" 

I'm sure that's not exactly a new discovery for most. And I may have known this before. But I think I forgot it for a while. I think Jesus likes to surprise us with Himself, Who He is, Who we've mistaken Him to be, what we imagine Him to be like. Maybe you've watched the series, The Chosen, and discovered new ways to experience and think about the life of Christ. No human creation can really fully get Jesus right, and I doubt anyone is claiming to. But to engage our sanctified imagination, to wonder and reflect on the Person of Christ, is never a wasted endeavour. And for me to re-realize that Jesus sang the Psalms was a strange kind of comfort and excitement all at once. Jesus sang these songs climbing up to the Temple. Jesus probably could quote every single one, and the words would not merely be rote memorized, but soul-soaked memorized - where every word held its own weight in emotive strength, whether joy, anger, sorrow, confusion, desperation or hope. 

I know we cannot exactly sing or know how the Psalms would have sounded; we don't have the music to accompany the words which are so familiar. And I wonder if we did, if they wouldn't be strangely disappointing, odd-sounding or almost mis-fitting. I think they wouldn't sound the way we'd want, because music is a soul-language and dialects are diverse from time, culture and distance. If you've ever listened to music from India or China, or Zambia, or Germany, or Russia, you certainly know that each culture tunes its own ears to sounds they find meaningful. 

I can't know the tunes of the Psalms and hymns Jesus sang. But I can know the Jesus Who sang them, and the words that He so often quoted. Jesus learned to use Psalms as His own heart-language to God. In a small way, I can engage the very heart of God by adopting these words as my own prayer. I can pray the words of God back to Him. I love how the Psalmist will often get all tangled up in himself, first talking to himself, then to God, then to anyone who'll listen. It might seem all jumbled at times, and this is why I find it perfectly suits me. I am so often jumbled and tangled up in myself. I need to know it's okay to skip around, even if it's grammatically confusing. I need to know God can hold the rage, the fatigue, the confusion, the angst, the fear, the hope, the joy - all of it. I need to know God can listen to heartache and laughter, tears and gratitude, fury and rejoicing, disappointment and hope. 

Maybe it's clear now why I fell in love with the book of Psalms as a kid. And I still haven't exhausted this rich treasure. I always have loved poetry, hymns and church music. I've also sought how I can express the heaviness in my soul, the yearning I can't always articulate. I've wondered if I'm too much for all the people in my life, if maybe I'm too much for God. And God reassures me, "I put this book smack dab in the middle of My Book, and it's all about the too much types just like you." And this brings me comfort. 

Maybe you will read this on your way to church, on your way home, or sometime in the week. And maybe you will take a peek at the treasure of poetry smack dab in the middle of that Big Book sitting nearby.

You may find buried treasure. 

Your soul may find refreshment.

Your heart may find relief.

Maybe, just maybe you'll land in a sweet, comforting, pillow that will cushion your experience with words of hope, tenderness and beauty.

Give it a try and tell me how it goes.

Here's a list of some that I hang onto regularly:

Psalm 3, 5, 16, 23, 25, 27, 34, 37, 42-43, 46, 56, 73, 84, 91, 103, 121, 136, 139, 145.