So what might one write when not quite in a lucid state of mind? What might I say when I struggled to breathe, to prepare my teenage daughter for her life ahead?
I thought a lot about death a year ago. I looked at my life and told myself, 'Well, I guess 44 years is a good enough life. God hasn't promised more or less. Who am I to say that is too soon to go?' Then, of course, I noticed that in Hong Kong they didn't seem to like the number 4 very much. They thought the way it sounded 'say' sounded very similar to the word for death: 'sei'. And in fact, to me, they sound identical.
And here I had completed 44 years around the sun, and in my glum state of being, figured my life was rapidly closing up shop.
I asked one of the kids to deliver the laptop to me, and I was able to put together a few thoughts for Priscilla on her orientation weekend.
Here is what I wrote, thinking it might be the last thing she hears from me:
Dear Priscilla,
I so much wish I could be there as you begin your college life at Wheaton. I'm sorry to have to miss the orientation and meeting all the great people you are probably meeting. In some way, though, I am thankful you were at passage when I contracted covid so you can be more at ease and begin with your classmates instead of in a quarantine.
You have made it to this day, and I'm so incredibly proud of you - you survived your 3 brothers and sister, and even survived our parenting!! Way to go!!
As you launch into this season of discernment (what to study?! who to befriend?! how to spend time? how much sleep to get?), I want to encourage you with some of my favourite verses from 2 Peter 1:
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him Who called us by His own glory and goodness.
You have been given everything you need to live a godly life, by knowing Jesus. I love learning things. Biology, history, Bible - you know that. But growing in knowledge is one thing. Growing to know Jesus is another. Grow in THAT knowledge most of all. I can only assume that the more you know Him, the more you will love Him. There is no greater Treasure you can acquire.
I know you will encounter need in your life - need for relationships, resources (college funds!!), health and wellbeing - you name it. But the greatest need you have is already met in Christ. I'm sure you know all this. I only say it to remind you and for you to have in writing as a 'stake in the ground' - an anchor for the soul.
"We have an anchor that keeps the soul,
Steadfast and sure, while the billows roll.
Fastened to the Rock which cannot move!
Grounded firm and deep in the Saviour's love."
The Anchor of the Love of God has sustained me throughout my life. It is a sure anchor - one that sustains our very lives, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
I love you so much.
Now, go live in the knowledge that you are perfectly loved, known and supplied in the riches we have in Christ. Without Him, we can do nothing (see John 15, Ephesians 1).
love,
Mommy
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