Where I sit

 I took 3 days to be alone. In quiet, solitude, and rest. 

Here at a retreat center called Christ in the wilderness, in Stockton, Illinois. 

3 days of bird song, wind rustling leaves, deer cautiously regarding me. Birds at the feeder. Why do we love to feed birds? I wonder. Space like this makes room for all kinds of wondering.


I've been here 3 times - 2020, 2021, and now. Five years is too long to stay away from this sanctuary. I've been to other retreat centers - also refreshing and soul restoring.

"He restores my soul." 

"In pastures green, He leadeth me, the quiet waters by," in the words of the Psalter.

I listen, pause. These moments are holy - set apart to be with Jesus, to consider the wilderness He took 40 days to wander. I think of Him, walking, resting, praying. If He did this, why don't we all wander the wilderness in some capacity. 

Maybe because my life feels like a barren wilderness sometimes. I wonder if Jesus treasured the wilderness or if it was exhausting? It says angels ministered to Him. Created beings ministered to the God-Man, Creator. Maybe there's something for me in this. I can receive the ministry of angels. And as a creature I can bless the Creator. 


I pause before leaving. I could use 40 days here, but my family could not spare me. Jesus took 40 days before setting out to eventually - someday - claim His Bride. For now, His Holy Spirit is with us, the Bride to be, as a seal, a promise, a covenant of our someday uniting with Him.

In this meantime - mean, meaning humble, ordinary, lowly - yes, in this meantime, we wait, take moments of silence, commune with Him through His Word, the gifts of the world He lavishes on us, and remember all He gives, does, and blessed us with in the bread and the cup. 

My heart is glad and grateful.



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