Bees in My Bonnet

Recently a sermon was preached at our church on the importance of unity. Well, this is a recurring theme it seems - there have been more than one, or two sermons on this topic in the past year or two. I have always had a lot to say on the subject, but my thoughts whirl in my head late at night and fizzle out before I can get up to write them down. So I'll give it a go now even if my thoughts are a bit jumbled at times. Unity is a nice word - something we can all embrace to some degree. It just sounds - idyllic, utopian, peaceful... Somehow, if we dress it up enough and water it down enough we can all come to a place of saying 'yes, I want unity...'. Of course we want unity. I would love it if everyone agreed with me! Ha ha, of course that will never happen. It took me a long time to realize that and to give up my striving for all my ideals to be in place and implemented. I tell people I have opinions, often strong ones, on just about every topic out there. There ...

I find I tend towards cynicism. I easily doubt, and call it a 'healthy dose of reality.' Or in whatever circumstances come along, my gut reaction is to be skeptical. A 'yeah right' type of attitude. On the flip side (another snide character trait of cynics), is to denigrate and poke fun at what we call 'the Polyanna's' in our world. We take cheap shots at their (seemingly) rose-coloured view of the world. I feel called to repent of my poor attitude. At the root is a snobbery of sorts. One that says, 'You won't fool me into feeling good about something - oh no, I will wait until the misery I know is about to come eventually happens and then with smug self-satisfaction I can sit back and say I knew it was coming all along.' The sad part about this, as I confront this reality in my own heart, is that I feel it is inherently wrong, and it has robbed me of the joyful appreciation of many of God's gifts to me. The dark side of me (the E...

Regarding giving Sam advice on girls, I was actually quite annoyed with his methodical approach. I had stirring passions and strong opinions on the subject, as I tend to do on almost every subject that crosses my path. Perhaps it was God Who helped me not say what I thought the moment I thought it, but to write it down for him to digest on his own. From: Sarah Crutchfield Monday October 11, 1999 Subject: a thought for you I wrote this on the bus to school this morning, you can take it or leave it: Sam, don't pursue marriage because you want to get married and there's a nice girl that wants to marry you. Get married someday because there is a girl so precious to you that you can't imagine life without her. You, as a man, must be fully convinced of your love for her - it is even more essential than she being fully convinced of her love for you. You must be confident and know that you love her, without a doubt in your mind. Your heart will bear witness ...

I just did a quick study through Psalm 119. I was looking specifically for places that it would highlight how God's Word is more important than other things. I like the way David writes Psalms so personally - expressing his own feelings, desires, requests, hopes, beliefs, confidences or lack thereof. I hope to go through this study with our kids (writing it here will make me accountable I assume!). There are probably many more topics, but I came up with 14: God's Word is More important to me than: -Sin I suppose that's obvious! But for those of us who are well acquainted with our struggles and personal failings, this is more than obvious - it is difficult. What I mean is, I feel God's Word is important to me - more than anything - at least that's what my heart would tell me. But when it comes to losing my temper, wasting time, or any other sin that trips me up... is God's Word, and obedience to it, more important to me? For my kids, is God's Word m...

The second weekend when we met up to go to the Barbeque etc. Sam and I had begun to talk about relationship issues. He was asking me certain 'inquiry' questions about friends who are girls - kind of using me as a reference as in 'I don't know what girls think when I am their friend...' type of thing. Being the engineer that he is, he just figured that you just pick one of your girl friends (not girlfriends) and pursue and jump through certain relational hoops and voila! you get married... It sounded very dry and mechanical and deeply unromantic to me. Who am I to talk, I suppose, since I wasn't enthralled with the idea of romance myself. I should have just agreed with him and his methodical approach to relationships. No, on the other hand, if I had agreed we'd never be where we are today...and I must believe that it was good I didn't agree. So for all my protesting (inwardly, to myself and others...) I think I was disingenuous to remark I had no ...

Let me preface this by saying I am copying into here some emails as we began to interact entirely in writing, since phone costs were so high at the time, and though I edit inconsequential (read: boring) stuff I am leaving in many of the more personal things I was thinking/feeling at the time. I have no problem being so open about my heart, my life, the inner goings on of my thoughts at the time. It may go against some people's nature, and I thought of keeping some of these things private, but on second thought, I thought, no, maybe others struggle in the same way I did/do. Maybe reading and hearing how I worked through my fears, loneliness, struggles to find wholeness - maybe someone can benefit from it. I do not feel I need to hide any of it. But if it makes you uncomfortable to read it, I won't mind at all. That is just my disclaimer. Thursday Oct 7, 99 Dear Samuel, I do appreciate your words of comfort and encouragement...I was sure I would sleep alright l...

Again, apologies for the lack of blogging - computer keyboard was sprayed by a certain two-year old making it only type certain letters - most frustrating! Took a while to get a new keyboard hooked up. The joys and sacrifices of parenting. Here are a few funny and interesting emails from the week following the burglary. It is just ironic what is said in a couple of them! Monday Oct 4, 1999 From someone named Anne (who I've never met, but knew Sam): "one of the techie's here pulled the news item off the net from the S China morning post. So, is it true? Is Sam Sarah's beau or is it another blooper from the media? love, anne" From me: "This is Sarah. No, it's not true. That was a media blooper." From Dorothy (who I've never met): "hi sarah- this is dorothy - annes daughter and samuel's friend. it was one of my friends who pulled the article off the web...he knows sam from philly. we are all praising the Lord for this miracle and ...