Where does the Ego go to find rest?

 The word Ego comes from Freudian psychoanalytical theory. And often it is thrown about as a rather negative concept. We speak of 'ego-trips' and 'inflated ego' and having a 'big ego.' None of these are compliments. I don't pretend to know or really understand Freud's concepts, especially regarding the ego. I have a vague concept that it refers to the surface self - the self that needs affirming, the controlling self - the self that is frail and needs tender handling. The ego, by its very nature, is somewhat fragile. Some spiritual mystics may even use the term 'false self' though I'm not sure this is an entirely accurate correlation.

Whatever you think of Freud, it seems fairly obvious that we have distinct parts of ourselves that show up as we traverse life - our goings about in society, seclusion, community - both distant and intimate. Anyone who would argue that they truly don't have an ego might take it upon themselves to prove it by heading to an upscale mall in curlers and a bathrobe. Even the most relaxed of us have a sense of what is needed to protect and project an image - if only to avoid harassment and embarrassment.

I am not so much interested in Freudian psychoanalysis as I am the spiritual self - the parts of us that engage with God. And since I resist parsing ourselves into bits and pieces, I seek to welcome all aspects of who we are as having a valid standing with the God Who created us in all our complexities - both biological and psychological. What does God make of our egotistical selves? Does He put us under a psychological microscope and say, 'Ah ha!! I have detected ego here, this is the part of you that must be checked at the door before you enter my presence!'? I dare say a resounding, 'No!' to this question. 

The ego has taken a bad rap, for good reason I imagine. We equate ego with a brute bully who needs to feel big and respected, while inside fear and anxiety cripples his ability to tenderly, honestly and intimately engage with others. We see ego when we detect humour in ourselves and others that defends us from truly being seen and known (I use humour this way often). Ego shows up when we are confronted and asked to submit or humble ourselves before others. We may resist being told what to do. We may feel affronted when called out on some transgression. Ego may be in hiding until threatened. And then it shows up to remind us we actually need protecting after all. Ego presents as strong, when inside fear dominates. 

Sometimes we do work to tame our ego - to analyse it, to comfort it, to allow it, to befriend it. In our deepest selves, we find a struggle because we wonder, 'Does God welcome this part of me?' Something in us longs for acceptance, even in ways where we refuse to accept ourselves. There is talk these days of self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and self-compassion. I listen to these ideas and they raise many question marks. Theologically, I don't have a problem with them (surprising, I know). Scripture does seem to assume that we would love ourselves, have compassion for ourselves - even if the references are oblique. 'Look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others' assumes we are looking to our own interests and doesn't dismiss or condemn this practice. In Paul's instructions on how to love one's wife, he talks about how a man will take care of his own body by feeding it and caring for it. This is basic self-care. (Gasp! It's in the Bible!!) He then goes on to explain a husband ought to care for his wife as much as he cares for himself. It is assumed that people will be caring for themselves. At the same time, Scripture talks frequently of expending ourselves, of losing our lives and sacrificing ourselves for the sake of others and the Gospel. This is a whole other subject, but I mention it so that you can see there is more than one angle presented in scripture on these matters. Any who take a narrow and limited view 'Thus saith the Lord!' so-to-speak, run the risk of inviting my egotistical ire at not being astute and thorough in their reading of holy writ. 

Self-care and compassion are important if we are to ever embrace and find rest for our ego-self. The ego in each of us is both a comfortable and irritating presence. Some of us handle the ego-self better than others. So now I will try to answer: where does the Ego go to find rest? This part of myself, that needs to be respected, heard, validated and affirmed - this part is not simply a 'false' part of me - it is actually, in reality, very true indeed. It truly needs to find a place to exist where it isn't belittled, dismissed or affronted. And if my ego could find such a place, I'm confident it would be in that place that it would find rest.

Ego-self needs so much. It can be exhausting to feed and care for, affirm and tend the fragile ego. If only there were a place where ego could take a back seat, could lie down to rest beside still waters and be refreshed. It could be welcomed and allowed to be needy. It could be fed, guided, held and relieved. What kind of place might this be? Where can the ego go to find rest?

If the answer hasn't emerged in your minds-eye yet, let me be more plain: In the presence of God, all parts of me are welcome. And in fact, if I bring my ego-self to God, He may just gather me up and say, 'Tell me everything: your need, want, thirst, desperation, hopelessness, fear, anxiety - all of it, I want to hear all of who you are.' I can't speak for God, His Word has already done that, but I gather from reading Scripture that it might go something like that.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

My soul finds rest in God alone.

My soul needs restoring, the ego needs rest.

Ego-self feels the need to strive for recognition. God says, 'You always have an audience with me.' Repeatedly we are told, 'And your heavenly Father, Who sees and knows what is done in secret, will reward you.' If you need to be seen and affirmed, bring yourself to God Who welcomes even the ego-self. Truly, all of me is welcome with Him.

The Psalmist tells us: where can I go from your presence? Where can I flee from your spirit? In this same chapter we are told, 'I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.' When I think of the fact that God made me, I instinctively think about my body, the intricate biological, very physical and tangible tent that I live in. Have I forgotten that He created my soul as well? That my inner self - ego included - are all part of His intricate, intimate and creative work? Certainly the complex psychological self that I am is also His creation, and this too finds welcome and rest with Him.

Recently I quoted this poem to someone, and I may have shared it with you before, but it is my reminder about the ego-self and what to make of it. I don't know the author, but I learned it as a kid so the words are still etched in my mind:

What You Are

It doesn't matter very much what other people say,

It's what you are that really counts, and how you live each day.

For sometimes others give you more praise than you are due -

Your motives and your secret thoughts are hidden from their view.

And then again, they're out to criticize and blame,

And even when you're in the right, bring slander on your name.

So, never mind what others say, to praise or to condemn!

It's only God Who knows your heart, so be sure you're right with Him!