Bees in My Bonnet

 These past two weeks have been harrowing for me as I came down with covid, and traversed very dark days where I struggled to breathe and stay alive. I'd like to say it was all rosy and I had faith in God throughout this ordeal. On some level, I did - I had confidence God would do His good will, and I trust He defines 'good' not I. Whatever comes from His hand, I will welcome, be it life or death. I simply did not like the process  of what I thought might be death: it was terribly painful and uncomfortable. It was discouraging to try to take gulps of air and watch the oximeter barely make it above 90%. I had to focus all my energy on breathing. I also was unable to read (headaches, can't keep eyes focused), watch anything (it seems pointless, the imaginative dramas produced by human imagination - though I know there are rich treasures in film and drama - I just couldn't focus on it), write, think clearly, converse with anyone. I had nothing I could really do other t...

 The blog I wrote a few days ago was focused mostly on the question: Why? And my thoughts keep circling back to it...there's more where those came from (are you surprised?!) Even if it is an often pointless question, it is still very natural to ask it, and the asking usually stems from a place of distress, pain or anger.  Our minds may tend towards analyzing and questioning 'why' but our souls cry out for more than a response to this one question.  The word 'emotion' is at the forefront of this discussion - it seems it isn't merely a neutral curiosity that brings up the question 'why?', but rather the stirrings of the heart, the dissatisfied soul, the unresolved longings that bring me to a place of 'why?' E-motion is simply that - something within us that beckons movement, change or drives us somewhere - even if the 'where' is unknown. Feelings are largely what drive everything, which is why the word 'motion' is part of the word ...

 "A Bird doesn't sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song." Joan Walsh Anglund My Dad taught me many things that still come back to me and one is his classic answer to all 'why' questions: There is no Why. It sounds almost Yoda-like: 'There is no try; only do.' Or something like that. In fact, Dad's answer to why questions gets often-quoted in our household: 'Why'd you do that?!' 'There is no why!'. Sometimes we even say, 'There is X. There is Z. But there IS NO WHY.' I've often thought about this and wondered why Dad said that. But it defeats the point to answer: the point is, there is no 'why?' Upon reflection, I do see what is behind this: mostly our 'why' questions in day to day life are not information seeking, but rather, venting our frustrations. In this context, I am exceedingly happy with 'There is NO WHY.' Because it forces the one asking to re-evaluate: were you hon...