Bees in My Bonnet

 I just began to journal...and it made me realize I never concluded the previous saga of the lost wallet. There is more  to that story, I tell you.  My journal began..."Sometimes I think my brain got fried. The ability - really, the capacity - of my soul to hold grief, pain, trauma, suffering, silencing - I'm guessing has been greater  than most. I used to think of myself differently; blaming myself for being weak, fragile, IN-capable. But if I honestly look at my life journey, I must arrive at a different conclusion than before.  I sacrificed myself on the altar of survival ." I stopped there.  Yes, that last line describes decades of my life. I needed to find a way through, a way to cope and survive as a mother of young children, in a struggling marriage, in a world that has normal everyday demands that a severely depressed person can barely hold up underneath. It's not the world's fault. It's not having children, or a husband, or any of these things that...

Last year I began 30 days of gratitude, and well, here I am a year later up to day 13.  I have a Manna Journal - much like a Gratitude Journal - and I jot things in there, but few make it to a blog post (you can thank me later :) ) Today I stopped to visit a neighbour and on the way home I had to navigate around the garbage truck.  This is a normal, everyday encounter - except I noticed the guy was semi-dancing, swinging the garbage bin, singing and laughing as he worked.  Sometimes they work in pairs, but today he was alone.  He had a huge smile on his face - and as dark as my mood might have been, I couldn't help but to smile broadly and wave.  Joyfulness begets joy.  His smile was contagious. I made my way home and thought about him for the next few moments.  Dumping other people's trash may not be the most appealing job.  And yet all of us, in some way or another, have to do this at times.  If you're a parent, you probably have to do...

So lately Timothy has taken to wearing a penguin outfit.  You know - the plush, zip up costume generally sold in the month of October.  He discovered it during our unpacking recently and put it on and has barely taken it off for the last few days (except when I've made him).  I wonder if it has some kind of sensory effect - the tightness of it - the thickness - the warmth and the novelty.  Either way it has made for some entertaining moments over here at the Logan residence. He also loves mowing the lawn.  Even if it doesn't need to be mowed, I will start it up for him and send him off.  In the fall it is raking leaves he loves and in the winter, shovelling snow.  (Neighbours: keep this in mind - when we run out of snow to shovel come by and see if he'll jump at the chance to shovel your driveway!) This past week he was in his penguin outfit and wanted to mow the lawn.  Why not?  Who else in our neighbourhood has a giant penguin mowing t...

Our sermon this week gave me pause to consider something I had never considered before. The title of the message was: What is The Heart of a Generous Person? and the link is here: http://www.watersedgebible.org/files/5913/2674/5473/2012_01_15_What_is_the_Heart_of_a_Generous_Person.mp3 (Not sure if my linking will work, but if not just copy and paste). At one point in the sermon he told about how people had generously given of their resources to enable some teens to go to camp - and how this time for them would be spiritually enriching and potentially life-changing. He said that during their time there half of the group had made life-changing decisions and been won to Christ. This was all in the context of talking about generosity and our hearts being in the right place. At that point in the sermon I suddenly realized that happiness can be bought after all. You see, it made me happy to hear of these lives that were changed. I rejoiced in the expansion of God's kingdom. I had m...

I am sure to get some annoyed responses to this, but oh well. I am not saying that being a bubbly personality is in any way wrong! I am just going to comment on what I have read in Ecclesiastes 7. I am not a bubbly personality. I don't exude energy. I don't wear a silly grin on my face, everywhere I go. I don't seem 'happy' all the time. (I use quotations because I am trying to imply that happy isn't necessarily an external thing). Some of this is cultural training. In fact, in Hong Kong as you walk along the street randomly bumping into people right and left, and them bumping into you, you generally do not come across giddy, bubbly, smiley people everywhere. It really was a shock to me when I came to this country that almost EVERYONE I encountered was smiling, openly friendly, and chatty. I didn't know what to make of it. And I simply couldn't join in the crowd. It seemed less than genuine to me and I had a snobbery I learned to work throug...