Bees in My Bonnet

 I observe things. Things about our culture, society, what is trending . Buzz things, fads, hype, self-help inspiration. That kind of thing. And in recent years I've noticed that our culture lauds and applauds leaders, leadership, growing in your leadership, being a leader. It is especially rampant in the Christian sub-culture. "You are  a leader!" "How to be a more spiritually qualified leader!" "Leading your family!" "Leading your Church!" It's everywhere. I remember being in a Bible study and there being a big section on leadership and studying the Bible with an eye to leadership: Look at Moses! Look at Samuel! Look at Deborah (oops, don't look at her...apparently she was just filling in for the men who failed to show up...*or so they say*) (Of course, I say, please, please DO look at Deborah who wasn't merely filling in for her male lacklustre comrades). The list goes on: these were good leaders, these were bad leaders. You ha...

Pull up a chair and let's have a frank conversation about sex. Or don't. This is my disclaimer section where I tell you that if you are not married, and sex isn't available to you to give or receive, then most likely you should just stop reading here and go on about your day. On the other hand, you could just simply be curious about the inner workings of marital intimacy and have no struggle with sexual desires - and in that case, use your discretion. I do have some thoughts on sex and the single person and ways to live with unfulfilled desire, but that is beyond the scope of today's topic. Some people are squeamish when it comes to full disclosure about bedroom activities (sexual expression in marriage). Sex is, understandably, a deeply intimate, personal and private matter. It's nobody's business what you like, how you like it, and what you and your spouse engage in with what frequency and such. Because of these factors, so often nothing gets said about sex...

If I had seen an article 20 years ago with ‘race’ or ‘racism’ in the title, I might have yawned and flipped past it.   I had the luxury to do so – if anything caught my eye with these words, internally I would wonder what the big deal was.   I’m thankful this is no longer the case.   These themes have popped up all over – not merely in print media or news outlets, but in tragic circumstances, and in grocery stores and tales are told of interactions with strangers in public.   That being the case, I have begun to pay closer attention – and it started just a few decades ago with conversations with my sister. We had grown up together – fast friends and playmates – and I had, from the moment of my birth understood her to be the truest sister – even though her skin and appearance told me from the beginning that she was Chinese and I was a freckled red-head.   I don’t remember ever thinking of her as different, even though it was plainly obvious.   In ...

Still Thankful So, it had been my intention to do this the whole month of November, but welcome to me.  Better late than never - at this rate I may have this project done by November of this year :)  What with my life being what it is - you know, acting as chauffeur, lecturer (to children who need a dose of my wisdom), lunch-maker, laundry maid, and pseudo-doctor when Grandma's got major toenail fungus (yes, these days this process of soak, treat, get the water temp just right, occupies a good few hours of my day), or kids are sniffly, and also doing doggie oversight while kids are at school - you know, all that and more, I often have blog posts floating in my head, sometimes popping up at inopportune times (like, midnight or such and I can't drag myself out of bed to wander to the computer to turn it on and blah blah blah...you know). One of these that has been sitting in my head is that I am thankful for the help of strangers.  There are more than I can count or r...

Recently I've been thinking through our journey as parents - thus far.  We're still early in the game - our oldest is only 14.  And as I reflect on these 14 years, I realize we have made many mistakes, one of which I want to share with you all so you don't make them too.  The mistake is this:  Modelling our parenting after those whose kids were not yet grown and who we admired for their exterior superiorness in behaviour and respect. You see, we looked around us and picked out people with model children - those kids who smiled sweetly, were well-mannered, polite and obedient.  Emphasis on obedient .  These others were ahead a few years than we were, so of course their model - to produce such greatly performing kids - must be the way to go. Please don't do this. People look at us now and might be in our same shoes 14 years ago - our kids can look so wonderful to those who don't live here with us!  (Of course, they are  wonderful, don't get m...

Continued from Part 2: 9.  Harness Structuring Tools I struggle to even use tools like planners, lists, recipe schedules and the like.  But I still try and go back to them and start all over.  Especially when I lose the list I once had.  I often forget that I even have a list.  This is what it is like to have A.D.D.  Lists and planners sound like great tools, but they don't work if you don't use them - or if you forget to.  I have only had a cell phone for just over a year now and am beginning to see what a great tool it is!  Now I can put in reminders and calendar events and it will ding me when I need to know!  I'm sure this is news to no-one.  But it is exciting to me!  Maybe in time I will learn other tools that can help - but I put this in my list because someday I'll come back to this and I'll need the reminder. ('Cuz I'll forget there were tools - just call me Dorie). Some other tools are: Make a School Lunch plan - st...

5.  Become Pragmatic Do you know what Pragmatism is?  It means doing the practical thing over the ideal thing or the creative thing or the ______(insert descriptor here)________ thing.  I love aesthetics (when things look beautiful) - but I don't have the time, energy or resources to fix everything around me up nice and pretty.  I see people's beautiful kitchens.  And I sometimes want my kitchen to be like that.  But I cook in my kitchen.  I love all my super gadgets.  People with pristine kitchens often don't cook much or have no addiction to gadgets like I do.  So I have decided to  just be myself about my kitchen.   It may not be fancy-schmancy.  It is  mine.   I have stuff out everywhere - accessible.  I have decided my dream kitchen is no longer the stuff I see in magazines.  My dream kitchen is an industrial kitchen with easy-to-clean open shelving and carts - and it look cluttery and very practical...

I'm not going to address the fact that there are those who deny the existence of a psychological condition called 'Attention Deficit' (I left off 'Disorder' on purpose).  If you need evidence just videotape my life for a while and then make your decision! Regardless of where you stand, I have become quite familiar with this territory and figure it might be helpful for others to glean from my experience.  Here are 12 tips for Moms with A.D.D.   If you need help understanding your child with A.D.D. I'd be happy to answer your questions from my own experience and memory of being a child with A.D.D.  Yes, putting two-and-two together - that means you don't grow out of it or recover - it is a lifelong personality style.   Everyone has some hiccups in their personality - things that don't fit with the majority culture - nuances that might make life difficult for us or others.  A.D.D. just happens to be one of those types of things.  Learning our struggles...

When I was growing up and someone would tell me, "You're special!" I would always wonder what they meant by that.  I was never sure if this was a compliment or if it was a condolence prize to make me feel better when I didn't feel better than I did.  Sometimes people would say, "You are SO special!" or, "God made you special!" The word 'special' began to mean nothing to me.  I thought about what it means to be special and realized that I figured since everyone in the world is someone God made, then telling everyone they're special means absolutely nothing.  Being special, I thought, should mean one is outstanding, better, set-apart from the rest.  I thought to be special I had to do or be something extraordinary - or aspire to some high ambition or demonstrate a quality that no-one else could possess. In the end I just figured people who told me I was special were just being nice and didn't really know me that well, or just ign...

I was pondering lateness recently - since someone used the term 'unfashionably late'.  I ended up with a thought conversation with myself, which I am apt to have going on in my head at any given time.  Here is what it looked like: Hmmm... UNfashionably late implies there is fashionable lateness.  Well, I guess I qualify for both categories since I'm usually late to things.  Oh well. What do you mean 'oh well,'?!  Many people consider lateness to be rude, selfish, thoughtless, and disrespectful. Well, they're just on the Western end of the cultural spectrum.  I just happen to be at the other end. Hey, don't excuse yourself so easily!  Cultural or not cultural, do you want people judging you by your lateness? No, I don't.  But it's their problem for being so snooty - and might I add, just a wee bit self-centered too since they imply the late person is so selfish for making them wait?  Because no time is wasted if you have an engaging...

Here I am eating humble pie.  If only it would truly make me humble. So much for not having Mommy-guilt. I spoke too soon. Because at supper tonight Timothy was reluctant to eat his refried beans and cilantro rice.  Never mind the leftover salmon crepes.  All he wanted was applesauce and PB&J, which clearly was not on the menu. So then I urged him to eat just one bite.  He would have none of it.  Then the crisis comes.  Is this a battle I want to wage?  Do I really care if he eats the beans and rice?  Is it worth it?  Am I a bad Mom if I back off? The debate goes on in my head: should I make an issue of this?  My instinct says NO.  I wouldn't want to be forced to eat when I don't want to, nor would I want to be forced to eat something I don't particularly care for.  But I am not a child and have developed a wide range of appetites for varied consumables.  Don't I want my kid to be as versatile in epicurean d...

There are times in life when we all feel like we're in the proverbial doghouse. I mean, as kids we falter and fail and the riot act is read to us and we're only wishing for a tail that could display our obvious shame and remorse for all the bad we are or have done. Then as we grow and become adults there seem to be many more of these doghouse moments. Unless of course you are of the high-performing, hardly-faced-a-failure-in-your-life kind of person. If that's you, just skip this entry because it won't apply. There are those times when we fail to show up on time to something and people scorn us - if you're like me, there are repeated times when I fail to show up at all - having totally forgotten that I was supposed to be somewhere. Which is why being a stay-at-home Mom suits me just fine. I can never be late to my job. I can never fail to be on-site or available - unless I try really hard and get sucked into computer-land. Maybe it is easy after all to be l...

I met God in the afternoon when the day was at its best for me - For the kids were all now settled and I had some time for tea. My Bible opened, Hannah kicking nearby - I trusted this quiet to last with no cries! For the morning is busy and giving up sleep to nurture my soul still leaves me weak - Fatigue makes the challenge for the Spirit's control Greater and trying, and I certainly know That Jesus walks with me through each of my hours When kids are contented, or I'm covered with flour! When chaos ensues and my attitude fails Or when it's smooth sailing - the absence of wails! By formally meeting with Him or not, I know He is with me and I am not fraught With worry or fear for I'm not alone, I talk to Him often - His peace I own. For you and the season of life you now walk - Morn, noon or sunset - any time on the clock - It may be the best to meet God other times, But remember He's with you - seek and you'll find. Meet Him because your soul hungers and thir...

It's easy enough to talk about contentment with the big things - life in general, focus on our eternal riches, thinking about how good our lives may be compared to those who live with less, contentment in parenting, marriages, relationships, material possessions etc. - the list is endless. It's the little things that drag me down. Lest you think I perpetually sail above life an inch off the ground with my head in the heavenlies (sometimes my head is very clouded actually), I am really prone to struggle in the same ways as everyone I know. If I think I don't sure enough a day or two later I regret thinking such, as I stumble over the same WAFfing as anyone else (that's my code word for Worry Anxiety and Fear). And tacked onto that is this area of contentment. What little things? Things like: a kid who didn't complete homework on time, someone who used the last of the coffee creamer, someone else who insists on fussing over things I don't want to be fussed abou...

I have a genuine heart for worship. I know, people say that all the time. But what does that mean? It means different things to different people. For me, it means that I desire God to be honoured, glorified, in all I do. When it comes to music and how it is used in a Christian gathering I also desire that God be honoured. I want Him to be centre – not me, not anyone else, not any thing else (the music, the performance, the polish, the externals) – but Him. That said, I don’t need to be the one at the piano – I don’t need anyone to know/hear me play. I play for God. If others get in on it, so be it. My desire only is that what is played meets certain criteria. Namely: 1) that it be purposeful – why is music being played? Who is it serving? If it is serving to glorify me, I don’t want it. 2) That it be appropriate – is the music being thoughtfully selected? 3) Is God the centre – the One we are seeking to honour via the channel of music? Or are we focuss...

What has troubled me regarding the 'heart' (be that mind + emotions or a co-mingling, undistinguishable unit that is the core of one's conscious personhood), is that I feel that I love God. Also, there are times of solitude when this passion - this awakening at the core of myself - rejoices in the love I feel towards God. Sometimes these feelings are accompanied by music that flows from either a radio, singing around a campfire, a hymn or otherwise. Music certainly can lift the soul. And I see and know that others experience a deep love for God (that's how it's described; they feel love for God), especially during times of 'worship' (=music and singing corporately). Why is it troubling that I 'feel' love for God? I guess because I wonder how my feelings reflect reality. I mean, if I truly do love God, my whole life would be centred on Him. Is it? I can't say that I know the answer to this. What troubles me is that I see that many o...

Genesis 22:1-17 What Do We worship? C.S. Lewis "God is the eternal iconoclast" – Idol destroyer Abraham had begun in a household of pagan idolatry. He also had opportunity to worship his own wealth and security. God called him out from his pagan roots and to reject pagan idols. Then God called him to leave the security of his wealth and home – when he took the lesser land. Then God called him to give up his 'pious idol' – his own son whom he viewed as God's fulfillment of promise. God is not satisfied with our worship of anything other than Him. Often we like to think we are worshiping God alone, but our lives prove otherwise and betray our truest devotions. Our devotion to God is not merely external – as in the things we do each day – but also internal – the things we value, rely upon, desire, strive for. Looking at Abraham we may have thought he was devoted enough to God. He had already proved his devotion a number of times and seems t...

Why do we worship? Habit? To look good? For fun? Is worship something we do for us or do we do it for God – for His glory? I propose that the reason for our worship is to lift God high above all else. We set Him apart, we ascribe worth to Him. In this is our worship: We want to see God glorified in our worship and not in our worship only, but in the lives of others. This is why we send out missionaries and why we proclaim Him to the lost – our aim is that others, who do not know Him would turn to Him in worship also. As people come to Him they too will lift up the name of Jesus: John 12:32 says, “But I when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.” Our worship lifts up Jesus and He will draw others to Him as we lift Him up. The words of the hymn go, “Lift High the Cross, the Love of Christ proclaim, till all the world adores His sacred name.” One verse says, “O Lord once lifted on the tree of pain, draw all the world to seek You onc...

Don’t expect happiness. So many Christians lose their focus – and their joy – when their greatest concerns and energies are consumed by selfish endeavors. We so often disguise our selfishness with labels that make it look like we are generous and giving. (How often have I baked cookies for neighbors or friends when I just wanted an excuse to snack on cookie-dough?!) Doing hidden acts of kindness – that no one will ever see or know about spring from a joy filled life. When we expect happiness as our right – worse yet, as something God ‘owes’ us (for all we’ve done for Him), we risk losing opportunities for God to show Himself in the midst of seeming unhappiness. Let me tell you a secret: I am most ‘happy’ in my Christian life when I am acutely aware of God’s presence, protection and companionship. Surprisingly, the times I have sensed God’s nearness the most has been during the most difficult times of my (as of yet,) short life. So if happiness is what you're...