Annoying Little Sister Syndrome
These days of Quarantine have been refining for us as a family, as I'm sure you can imagine. Just keep 9 people cooped up in a 4 bedroom house for 3 months and see what happens. We are by no means your 'model' family, even if you like to imagine us as such. Just ask any of our friends who stop by - sometimes things are calm and happy, and even quiet (like, rarely). Other times certain kids are having a rough day and it shows. And even if it's not just moodiness, crankiness, annoyingness or whiney-ness, it is simply the friction of being near each other - near enough to make annoying sounds, expressing frustration with grunts and sighs, or, if you're like me, simply announcing to everyone in sight exactly what seems to be the problem. Loudly. "IT SEEMS TO ME I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICES THE TRASH ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO THE OVERFLOWING RECYCLE BIN. HMMM, I Wonder, WHY IS THAT??!?!" Some would call this passive-aggressive. But I think it is simply aggressive, no passivity in sight, as much as my family wishes I could muster a little effort in the passive category.
There are, of course, sweet times of board game playing that doesn't unravel with the distress cry of a younger-one who can't handle the sting of losing, with sweet melodies and classical piano filling the air with upbeat music (Thank you, Priscilla!). And there are times where we truly appreciate the changes that have settled us into these domestic routines - like when Priscilla and I sat in the hammock yesterday gazing up into the trees with a gentle breeze blowing past. "I think I never noticed how green, lush and beautiful the land around our house is," she said. We talked of how the quarantine forced us all to slow down, and because of the lack of rushing here and there, Priscilla finally noticed the surroundings of her home were rather extraordinarily peaceful and majestic. The towering pine trees give us shade, and yet enough gaps to view the blue sky above.
Now that I've given you both the idyllic and realistic picture of our family and experiences, I will get to my point: we also have sibling tensions that run amuck and cause grief in our family system. I don't know that I have a good solution, other than, 'In time they'll grow up and appreciate each other, so for now we wait it out and do the best we can...' But today I at least tried to do something to intervene. I took one kid aside and told her a story.
Hannah was miserable, sad and dejected because Priscilla wouldn't play with her. But Priscilla doesn't want to play with her when she's such a whiney kid (which I can appreciate). So I brought Hannah to have a talk with me. And I told her a story. Here is how it went:
"Hannah, I'm going to tell you a story - it's a true story, and you might like it. It's not an exciting story, but it's a story you might understand a little bit. You see, there was this mother and she had a boy and a girl. They were happy playmates and then the Mom got pregnant and there was going to be another sibling. The girl thought she might like a sister, but when a brother came along, she didn't mind so much. She began to feel more special being the 'only' girl. Then, the Mommy got pregnant again, and she began to hope it would be a boy - she didn't want to lose her status as Princess in the family. Sure enough, it was another boy! Things were going great when the Mommy got pregnant again - and this time, she had a girl. That big sister was kind of happy, but maybe just a little disappointed because she was not the only girl anymore. But she loved babies and she did love having a little sister, and she knew babies take a lot of time and attention and Mommies have to do so much to take care of them, it wouldn't matter if she was a girl baby or boy baby, there would still be a lot of work to do to manage the baby, and Big sister liked to help with that. She kind of forgot about being disappointed and fell in love with her little baby sister.
But as that sister grew, she started to wiggle onto Mommy's lap during family reading times, and at mealtimes would cry if she couldn't sit next to Mommy. She even slept in Mommy's bed until she was almost 3! Even after she could talk, walk, feed herself and go potty, she still was always traipsing around after Mommy - wherever Mommy went, little sister went too. Big sister started to resent that little sister had pushed her out of Mommy's space. Big sister also didn't like how little sister got her way when she acted immaturely. She didn't deserve to get all that attention, but Mommy still gave it to her. And little sister was sometimes whiney and demanding. Big sister didn't want to play or do anything with little sister anymore. She was just too annoying.
So, the Mommy had an idea. She found some neighbours who wanted a little girl and went and gave the little sister to them."
"WHAT?!? That's not how it goes!!" said Hannah.
"Just kidding...you're right. That wasn't really the story, now where was I - oh yes, the Mommy saw what was happening and asked the little sister to come and have a talk. She explained what was going on to little sis and asked if she could leave Big sister alone when she was with Mommy, that she would try not to whine and be grumpy and demanding with Big sister. Little sister understood that she had kind of pushed big sister out of the picture sometimes and had been selfish with Mommy's attention. She told her Mommy, 'Sure, I can do that!' and after that things got better, and Big sister was kinder and more patient with little sister as well."
"I know what you're talking about." said Hannah.
"Oh, it was that obvious?!" I said.
"Yes."
I then proceeded to invite Big sister to hear a shorter version of this story and make similar requests. Of course when I got to the part where I gave the little sister away, there was an eruption of laughter, which was my attempt at levity.
Perhaps in a few days or weeks I'll see some improvement in the situation.
Maybe my reading audience has other tips or ideas for me - please leave me some in the comments below!
Thanks for reading...
I always love hearing from you!
There are, of course, sweet times of board game playing that doesn't unravel with the distress cry of a younger-one who can't handle the sting of losing, with sweet melodies and classical piano filling the air with upbeat music (Thank you, Priscilla!). And there are times where we truly appreciate the changes that have settled us into these domestic routines - like when Priscilla and I sat in the hammock yesterday gazing up into the trees with a gentle breeze blowing past. "I think I never noticed how green, lush and beautiful the land around our house is," she said. We talked of how the quarantine forced us all to slow down, and because of the lack of rushing here and there, Priscilla finally noticed the surroundings of her home were rather extraordinarily peaceful and majestic. The towering pine trees give us shade, and yet enough gaps to view the blue sky above.
Now that I've given you both the idyllic and realistic picture of our family and experiences, I will get to my point: we also have sibling tensions that run amuck and cause grief in our family system. I don't know that I have a good solution, other than, 'In time they'll grow up and appreciate each other, so for now we wait it out and do the best we can...' But today I at least tried to do something to intervene. I took one kid aside and told her a story.
Hannah was miserable, sad and dejected because Priscilla wouldn't play with her. But Priscilla doesn't want to play with her when she's such a whiney kid (which I can appreciate). So I brought Hannah to have a talk with me. And I told her a story. Here is how it went:
"Hannah, I'm going to tell you a story - it's a true story, and you might like it. It's not an exciting story, but it's a story you might understand a little bit. You see, there was this mother and she had a boy and a girl. They were happy playmates and then the Mom got pregnant and there was going to be another sibling. The girl thought she might like a sister, but when a brother came along, she didn't mind so much. She began to feel more special being the 'only' girl. Then, the Mommy got pregnant again, and she began to hope it would be a boy - she didn't want to lose her status as Princess in the family. Sure enough, it was another boy! Things were going great when the Mommy got pregnant again - and this time, she had a girl. That big sister was kind of happy, but maybe just a little disappointed because she was not the only girl anymore. But she loved babies and she did love having a little sister, and she knew babies take a lot of time and attention and Mommies have to do so much to take care of them, it wouldn't matter if she was a girl baby or boy baby, there would still be a lot of work to do to manage the baby, and Big sister liked to help with that. She kind of forgot about being disappointed and fell in love with her little baby sister.
But as that sister grew, she started to wiggle onto Mommy's lap during family reading times, and at mealtimes would cry if she couldn't sit next to Mommy. She even slept in Mommy's bed until she was almost 3! Even after she could talk, walk, feed herself and go potty, she still was always traipsing around after Mommy - wherever Mommy went, little sister went too. Big sister started to resent that little sister had pushed her out of Mommy's space. Big sister also didn't like how little sister got her way when she acted immaturely. She didn't deserve to get all that attention, but Mommy still gave it to her. And little sister was sometimes whiney and demanding. Big sister didn't want to play or do anything with little sister anymore. She was just too annoying.
So, the Mommy had an idea. She found some neighbours who wanted a little girl and went and gave the little sister to them."
"WHAT?!? That's not how it goes!!" said Hannah.
"Just kidding...you're right. That wasn't really the story, now where was I - oh yes, the Mommy saw what was happening and asked the little sister to come and have a talk. She explained what was going on to little sis and asked if she could leave Big sister alone when she was with Mommy, that she would try not to whine and be grumpy and demanding with Big sister. Little sister understood that she had kind of pushed big sister out of the picture sometimes and had been selfish with Mommy's attention. She told her Mommy, 'Sure, I can do that!' and after that things got better, and Big sister was kinder and more patient with little sister as well."
"I know what you're talking about." said Hannah.
"Oh, it was that obvious?!" I said.
"Yes."
I then proceeded to invite Big sister to hear a shorter version of this story and make similar requests. Of course when I got to the part where I gave the little sister away, there was an eruption of laughter, which was my attempt at levity.
Perhaps in a few days or weeks I'll see some improvement in the situation.
Maybe my reading audience has other tips or ideas for me - please leave me some in the comments below!
Thanks for reading...
I always love hearing from you!
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