Exercising Gratitude: 30 Days - 6
Natasha.
She's a friend - a classmate from my Hong Kong school days. I haven't seen and known her since then - so it's not like we really know each other well. But since the dawning of facebook and how that seems to connect us all in certain ways, she's come back on my radar (Hi, Natasha!!). So, today I'm grateful for her because she asked this particular question, and I couldn't just blow it off...so I am doing an entire blog post to try to answer it. Here goes.
Her question:
How do you measure your worth? This is a random and very general question....but I look forward to reading your answers. Do you measure your worth by your paycheck? The friends and family in your life? Academic achievements? Opinions of others?
There are certainly a number of ways this could be addressed. Instinctively, I think, we all need or long to know or have a sense of our own worth - if only to our selves. If I value, say, independence, I'll value my worth by the measure to which I achieve (in my own opinion of myself) independence. So, our worth is subjectively measured by the things we value. A lot of this has to do with identity - how we see ourselves, what we identify with, things we like and dislike.
I have struggled throughout my entire life with this very issue. Many of my report cards, which I still have, report that I seem to struggle with self-esteem. (Well, that should be plainly obvious - who wouldn't given my dismal grades and academic performance!?) I think it was truer in my youth than now, but who knows - we aren't always as accurate definers of ourselves as we think we are. At least I'm not (you, whoever you are, probably define yourself just fine).
I struggled because I could never measure up. Not to others standards for me, God's standards for me, my parents standards for me, my school's standards for me - or even my own standards for me. Defining our own worth has everything to do with evaluating and measuring - and in my case I was and still am, on many fronts, a low achiever. So I muddled my way through, always with a limp in my soul, wondering how I could ever sort myself out. I couldn't, and didn't and won't ever. Because sorting myself out, while it sounds grand, is a life-long journey - we're all invited to take the journey, but I daresay, most of us live by default and bury our heads in the sand about who we are, inside and out and live blissfully ignorant til our dying day. It is my goal to avoid doing that.
So standards of achievement weren't going to cut it for me. What next? Success, money, status, appearance (skinny and beautiful, or not skinny and still beautiful or...?), intelligence, career, academics, marriage, kids - how they behave/achieve/look etc. Religion comes into play - how I make my mark on a group of people, say the right things, use 'Christianese' with ease, know the right theology, adhere to a certain group of thinkers...you know - these can all define our worth, in our own eyes, as much as anyone else's.
Until a year or two ago I would've said I figured it out: that I had landed on the 'ANSWER' to defining worth. That's because I love theology, have studied it at length, and I love the Bible, and I love to know things, and I love to understand people and problems and solve them. In fact, on more than one occasion I leave from getting a haircut saying, "And now that we've solved the world's problems, we can go back to normal life."
My answer would have been: Jesus. (Because, you know, Sunday school?) Our identity and worth is totally wrapped up in Jesus, if we know Him, have Him, are found in Him. It's fairly good theology. And I still kind of believe that. But it is simplistic. It isn't enough. It doesn't go deep enough. It doesn't acknowledge other realities (like, what about people who don't know Jesus? Are they not worth anything? Are those not in Christ worth less than I am? - No, a thousand times, NO.) You see, good theology is good, but unless you turn it on all sides and ask all kinds of questions what seems good on the outside may be empty on the inside.
So, before you ultra-conservatives out there (if you're still reading, have I lost you yet?!), cry heretic and run, hear me out. Yes, understanding that Jesus died for me, so of course I'm worth something, is great and all - but it is a truncated gospel. It ignores the creation account, and the re-creation account. Creation is a theme throughout Scripture, not just in Genesis. It pops up in Job, the Psalms (think, 8 and 19 off the top of my head), in the gospel of John, in Pauline epistles (think 1 Corinthians 5:17), and in the Revelation (think: new heavens and new earth). And it is in these narratives and themes that I come to the beginning of an understanding of my worth.
The evangelical, gospel-answer to this that: Jesus died to save me gives me worth - has been found wanting for me. It is true, and it is wonderful, and I love that I can know the living God through the redeeming work of Christ on my behalf on the cross - by all means, the Cross is the crux of it all: "May I never boast except in the cross of Christ." (to quote St. Paul). But I cannot rest myself on this alone for my worth because there are many who don't know Christ who have immeasurable worth. And I must affirm that they have significance and worth even without Christ. By all means, if you are without Christ, I'd invite you to know Him, come to Him, seek Him. But I can without a doubt tell you, you have inestimable worth because you were formed, fashioned, created and imprinted with the very fingerprints of God. You were made, you are known, you are loved, you are shaped and formed by the God Who made this world and all the beauty you see in it. Any place you find worth - what you achieve, what you have, the gifts and talents you are blessed with, your intelligence, your hard-work, your effort, your progeny, your depth, your wisdom/insight - can come up short and leave you helpless with an incurable soul-ache. Your mind can fail. Your money can be taken from you. Your wonderful children can become wicked, go off the deep-end, suffer tragedy and whatnot. Your career can tank. Anything else you know or have or rely on can come up short for you.
But if you are a human being, you are made in the image of God. He has imprinted you with inestimable worth. When Jesus was confronted with the issue of paying taxes, he asked for a coin. "Whose image is on here?" he asked. "Caesar's" they replied. "Then, give what is Caesar's to Caesar and to God what is God's." We can marvel at His wit and wisdom, but let us not miss the crucial point: We are imprinted with the very image of God. We are His. We can give our money to Caesar (rightly), and we can give ourselves to God (rightly).
Now, you may come at life from some other angle. That's fine - I'd love to hear your perspective. But I have wrestled through this theme throughout my life and this is the point I've arrived at (which can always change in the future, because, you know, I'm always growing and learning).
The image of God imprinted on me, gives me worth.
In Part 2 I will explain how that impacts and changes everything for me.
She's a friend - a classmate from my Hong Kong school days. I haven't seen and known her since then - so it's not like we really know each other well. But since the dawning of facebook and how that seems to connect us all in certain ways, she's come back on my radar (Hi, Natasha!!). So, today I'm grateful for her because she asked this particular question, and I couldn't just blow it off...so I am doing an entire blog post to try to answer it. Here goes.
Her question:
How do you measure your worth? This is a random and very general question....but I look forward to reading your answers. Do you measure your worth by your paycheck? The friends and family in your life? Academic achievements? Opinions of others?
There are certainly a number of ways this could be addressed. Instinctively, I think, we all need or long to know or have a sense of our own worth - if only to our selves. If I value, say, independence, I'll value my worth by the measure to which I achieve (in my own opinion of myself) independence. So, our worth is subjectively measured by the things we value. A lot of this has to do with identity - how we see ourselves, what we identify with, things we like and dislike.
I have struggled throughout my entire life with this very issue. Many of my report cards, which I still have, report that I seem to struggle with self-esteem. (Well, that should be plainly obvious - who wouldn't given my dismal grades and academic performance!?) I think it was truer in my youth than now, but who knows - we aren't always as accurate definers of ourselves as we think we are. At least I'm not (you, whoever you are, probably define yourself just fine).
I struggled because I could never measure up. Not to others standards for me, God's standards for me, my parents standards for me, my school's standards for me - or even my own standards for me. Defining our own worth has everything to do with evaluating and measuring - and in my case I was and still am, on many fronts, a low achiever. So I muddled my way through, always with a limp in my soul, wondering how I could ever sort myself out. I couldn't, and didn't and won't ever. Because sorting myself out, while it sounds grand, is a life-long journey - we're all invited to take the journey, but I daresay, most of us live by default and bury our heads in the sand about who we are, inside and out and live blissfully ignorant til our dying day. It is my goal to avoid doing that.
So standards of achievement weren't going to cut it for me. What next? Success, money, status, appearance (skinny and beautiful, or not skinny and still beautiful or...?), intelligence, career, academics, marriage, kids - how they behave/achieve/look etc. Religion comes into play - how I make my mark on a group of people, say the right things, use 'Christianese' with ease, know the right theology, adhere to a certain group of thinkers...you know - these can all define our worth, in our own eyes, as much as anyone else's.
Until a year or two ago I would've said I figured it out: that I had landed on the 'ANSWER' to defining worth. That's because I love theology, have studied it at length, and I love the Bible, and I love to know things, and I love to understand people and problems and solve them. In fact, on more than one occasion I leave from getting a haircut saying, "And now that we've solved the world's problems, we can go back to normal life."
My answer would have been: Jesus. (Because, you know, Sunday school?) Our identity and worth is totally wrapped up in Jesus, if we know Him, have Him, are found in Him. It's fairly good theology. And I still kind of believe that. But it is simplistic. It isn't enough. It doesn't go deep enough. It doesn't acknowledge other realities (like, what about people who don't know Jesus? Are they not worth anything? Are those not in Christ worth less than I am? - No, a thousand times, NO.) You see, good theology is good, but unless you turn it on all sides and ask all kinds of questions what seems good on the outside may be empty on the inside.
So, before you ultra-conservatives out there (if you're still reading, have I lost you yet?!), cry heretic and run, hear me out. Yes, understanding that Jesus died for me, so of course I'm worth something, is great and all - but it is a truncated gospel. It ignores the creation account, and the re-creation account. Creation is a theme throughout Scripture, not just in Genesis. It pops up in Job, the Psalms (think, 8 and 19 off the top of my head), in the gospel of John, in Pauline epistles (think 1 Corinthians 5:17), and in the Revelation (think: new heavens and new earth). And it is in these narratives and themes that I come to the beginning of an understanding of my worth.
The evangelical, gospel-answer to this that: Jesus died to save me gives me worth - has been found wanting for me. It is true, and it is wonderful, and I love that I can know the living God through the redeeming work of Christ on my behalf on the cross - by all means, the Cross is the crux of it all: "May I never boast except in the cross of Christ." (to quote St. Paul). But I cannot rest myself on this alone for my worth because there are many who don't know Christ who have immeasurable worth. And I must affirm that they have significance and worth even without Christ. By all means, if you are without Christ, I'd invite you to know Him, come to Him, seek Him. But I can without a doubt tell you, you have inestimable worth because you were formed, fashioned, created and imprinted with the very fingerprints of God. You were made, you are known, you are loved, you are shaped and formed by the God Who made this world and all the beauty you see in it. Any place you find worth - what you achieve, what you have, the gifts and talents you are blessed with, your intelligence, your hard-work, your effort, your progeny, your depth, your wisdom/insight - can come up short and leave you helpless with an incurable soul-ache. Your mind can fail. Your money can be taken from you. Your wonderful children can become wicked, go off the deep-end, suffer tragedy and whatnot. Your career can tank. Anything else you know or have or rely on can come up short for you.
But if you are a human being, you are made in the image of God. He has imprinted you with inestimable worth. When Jesus was confronted with the issue of paying taxes, he asked for a coin. "Whose image is on here?" he asked. "Caesar's" they replied. "Then, give what is Caesar's to Caesar and to God what is God's." We can marvel at His wit and wisdom, but let us not miss the crucial point: We are imprinted with the very image of God. We are His. We can give our money to Caesar (rightly), and we can give ourselves to God (rightly).
Now, you may come at life from some other angle. That's fine - I'd love to hear your perspective. But I have wrestled through this theme throughout my life and this is the point I've arrived at (which can always change in the future, because, you know, I'm always growing and learning).
The image of God imprinted on me, gives me worth.
In Part 2 I will explain how that impacts and changes everything for me.
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