Food: Alternate Love Language #2
I think this is the one probably everyone can at least find some connection to, because, as far as I can tell, we all eat. I considered expanding this category to include anything that has a special interest - like a particular sports team or a certain brand name of shoes, or a certain city or language or culture (for me that would be HONG KONG!! - shout out to all my Hong Konger friends!) But I think special interest might be its own category. I'm still hashing this all out in my head, and that can take a while to foment. Thanks for your patience.
Why is food a particular love language? Why is it not in the category of 'gifts' or 'quality time'? Because it might blend these two, but it may also include words of affirmation ("You baked this amazing cake?!! Wow! I feel so loved!!"). Since it touches on so many categories - like, even touch - who can eat food without touching it? - it must be its own special category. We even talk of 'serving a meal', so there we have all the 5 love languages wrapped into one. I told you the famous authors missed something. How could they miss the biggest one of all?
When I tell people my alternate love languages and what they are - after they get over their guffaws, many tell me that food absolutely resonates with them. I've dabbled in trying to understand attachment theory over the years (I highly recommend 'Becoming Attached' by Robert Karen if you're interested in a long, overly wordy, history of the subject - but totally enlightening and, for me, anyway, life-changing, if you take your new-found enlightenment and make intuitive changes to how you engage and interact with people, especially children). I may be the first, and maybe the only, to make this jump, but I believe the reason food is such a love language is because it is deeply connected to our attachments and how we formed them early in life. Eating and drinking is something we've all done from infancy. If we are to form intimate and loving relationships, it is highly likely that food will enter the picture.
Another way to look at it is to consider how relationships with people and with food might have strain, stress or upset. We had tension over food from the beginning in our marriage. Sam didn't want food to be the central focus of life, viewing the preparation and execution of meal prep as something that uses a precious commodity: time. One of our theme verses was from Proverbs: "Better a dry crust of bread with peace for a meal than to have feasting with strife." (I can dig up the reference later). I really tried to appreciate this sentiment. But when it came down to it, I couldn't stomach (pardon the pun) eating mediocre food while trying to enjoy relationship. Good food is almost necessary for good relationship (I say almost, because of course we can have wonderful and loving relationships even in the midst of famine - or at least I assume that's possible. Granted, I've never tried it). Speaking of which, how well does being 'hangry' go over in context of relationship? You know, the combination of hungry and angry - one being caused by the other? Yeah, if you don't think food is important to relationships, try being around your loved one who is hangry. You will likely quickly change your mind.
Here's what I mean by the love language of 'Food'. Your significant other knows you love avocados. He knows exactly how you like to eat them too. He buys the perfect one - Haas, not the Florida kind (sorry, Florida avocado lovers!), he squeezes lemon and lime over it, sprinkles with salt and lays out the slices perfectly on a small plate and hands it to you - does this not define the very essence of love? I mean, right there you have 'gifts' 'service' and probably quality time. If he cups your chin in his hand and gazes into your eyes and says, 'This is because I think you're amazing and I love you.' You can then throw in touch and words of affirmation.
I remember my Dad standing over the kitchen sink perfectly sectioning oranges and filling a bowl and bringing them to my Mom whose feet were propped up as she was tired from a long day of doing all the things. This is perhaps why I think food is its own category - because I remember how important it was to show love to those you love by using the medium of food. Yes, the Crutchfield crew was and is quite a 'foodie' family. I've carried a lot of that with me into the Logan household - while trying also to not overburden the time and efforts of meal prep.
I really do believe that food speaks something to us beyond words, gestures, or other expressions of love. Whenever friends go to or from Hong Kong, they always mention what they might bring back with them. When I was growing up, people arriving from the U.S. brought delicacies such as Reese's peanut butter cups, Baby Ruth candy bars, chocolate chips and other particularly American treasures. When friends arrive from Hong Kong, they often will bring me Doll Snack Noodles, Seasoned Seaweed, Sour plums, and if you're really lucky, Dragon's Beard. Yes, these are gifts, but to me they're 'L-O-V-E' - going the extra mile to connect us to our past.
Even if you didn't grow up somewhere exotic, food might still be your love language. Some people have dietary limitations - whether by choice or necessity - and those who love them well will care for their needs and wishes by catering to them. This is beyond gift-giving - it is thoughtful, kind engagement with something that is absolutely necessary for life: eating.
I'm curious what you think: Is food a love language? Is it yours?
Here's what I made for my family on Easter this year... I went all out 😅
Why is food a particular love language? Why is it not in the category of 'gifts' or 'quality time'? Because it might blend these two, but it may also include words of affirmation ("You baked this amazing cake?!! Wow! I feel so loved!!"). Since it touches on so many categories - like, even touch - who can eat food without touching it? - it must be its own special category. We even talk of 'serving a meal', so there we have all the 5 love languages wrapped into one. I told you the famous authors missed something. How could they miss the biggest one of all?
When I tell people my alternate love languages and what they are - after they get over their guffaws, many tell me that food absolutely resonates with them. I've dabbled in trying to understand attachment theory over the years (I highly recommend 'Becoming Attached' by Robert Karen if you're interested in a long, overly wordy, history of the subject - but totally enlightening and, for me, anyway, life-changing, if you take your new-found enlightenment and make intuitive changes to how you engage and interact with people, especially children). I may be the first, and maybe the only, to make this jump, but I believe the reason food is such a love language is because it is deeply connected to our attachments and how we formed them early in life. Eating and drinking is something we've all done from infancy. If we are to form intimate and loving relationships, it is highly likely that food will enter the picture.
Another way to look at it is to consider how relationships with people and with food might have strain, stress or upset. We had tension over food from the beginning in our marriage. Sam didn't want food to be the central focus of life, viewing the preparation and execution of meal prep as something that uses a precious commodity: time. One of our theme verses was from Proverbs: "Better a dry crust of bread with peace for a meal than to have feasting with strife." (I can dig up the reference later). I really tried to appreciate this sentiment. But when it came down to it, I couldn't stomach (pardon the pun) eating mediocre food while trying to enjoy relationship. Good food is almost necessary for good relationship (I say almost, because of course we can have wonderful and loving relationships even in the midst of famine - or at least I assume that's possible. Granted, I've never tried it). Speaking of which, how well does being 'hangry' go over in context of relationship? You know, the combination of hungry and angry - one being caused by the other? Yeah, if you don't think food is important to relationships, try being around your loved one who is hangry. You will likely quickly change your mind.
Here's what I mean by the love language of 'Food'. Your significant other knows you love avocados. He knows exactly how you like to eat them too. He buys the perfect one - Haas, not the Florida kind (sorry, Florida avocado lovers!), he squeezes lemon and lime over it, sprinkles with salt and lays out the slices perfectly on a small plate and hands it to you - does this not define the very essence of love? I mean, right there you have 'gifts' 'service' and probably quality time. If he cups your chin in his hand and gazes into your eyes and says, 'This is because I think you're amazing and I love you.' You can then throw in touch and words of affirmation.
I remember my Dad standing over the kitchen sink perfectly sectioning oranges and filling a bowl and bringing them to my Mom whose feet were propped up as she was tired from a long day of doing all the things. This is perhaps why I think food is its own category - because I remember how important it was to show love to those you love by using the medium of food. Yes, the Crutchfield crew was and is quite a 'foodie' family. I've carried a lot of that with me into the Logan household - while trying also to not overburden the time and efforts of meal prep.
I really do believe that food speaks something to us beyond words, gestures, or other expressions of love. Whenever friends go to or from Hong Kong, they always mention what they might bring back with them. When I was growing up, people arriving from the U.S. brought delicacies such as Reese's peanut butter cups, Baby Ruth candy bars, chocolate chips and other particularly American treasures. When friends arrive from Hong Kong, they often will bring me Doll Snack Noodles, Seasoned Seaweed, Sour plums, and if you're really lucky, Dragon's Beard. Yes, these are gifts, but to me they're 'L-O-V-E' - going the extra mile to connect us to our past.
Even if you didn't grow up somewhere exotic, food might still be your love language. Some people have dietary limitations - whether by choice or necessity - and those who love them well will care for their needs and wishes by catering to them. This is beyond gift-giving - it is thoughtful, kind engagement with something that is absolutely necessary for life: eating.
I'm curious what you think: Is food a love language? Is it yours?
Here's what I made for my family on Easter this year... I went all out 😅
Comments
Post a Comment