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Saturday, November 28, 2015

Murder on the Lawn - Part 3

There were a few things that I found troubling and disturbing.  One was the graphic nature of the incident.  The other was just the presence of police and flashing lights - these sent me back to 16 years ago in the hours following the burglary that launched our lives together.  (Here's the first part of THAT story :) )The one difference is that I sensed no fear - there were no criminals in the immediate vicinity out to do no good to us specifically.  But the tragedy, the mess, the sadness, the unexpectedness of it all - these were a burden in and of themselves.  I'm trying to keep this past tense - to reflect on it and gain distance, for my own reasons.

Back inside, we finally went to bed.  Throughout the previous couple hours we had been calm and engaged with those around us.  When our heads hit the pillow that calm somewhat vanished.  A sense of caffeine-rush washed over both of us.  We were awoken twice in the night - police checking in for various things.  I woke up at 4 a.m, to not be able to sleep again.  The following six nights were like this - nightmares and awake every couple hours.  Thankfully, I've been able to get a couple nights of more normal sleep, though nightmares persist.

The day after this happened, we learned that the man had died there on our lawn.  Initially I had hoped he might make it - and since it wasn't for us to ask or know, we weren't sure of his condition as we slept that night.

Death does not bother me.  But the violence does.  Senseless aggression.  And being exposed to it sparked a grief in me I couldn't explain away.

Here are some reflections on life, and death

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