I get by with a little help from my friends (Gratitude: day 11)
In case anyone is in doubt, I'll just put this out there: I need a LOT of help. I am not type A or even type B. By the time you get to X, Y or Z...I'm in there somewhere. I've always been scatter-brained - I still have some of my report cards which repeatedly pointed out my daydreaming habits. So, I'm sure you will be surprised to find out that I struggle with a thing called Chronic Disorganization. Combine that with a thing called A.D.D., (I like to think of that as Alternately Designed Diva), and a few other acronyms and labels that are especially helpful in addressing my various issues, and you get ME.
That is my preface to the rest of what I'm about to put here. I'm posting this partly because it is so entertaining...but also because I am exceedingly grateful for the delightful person who wrote the response - who helped me out in my distress some time ago. Not only did she help me address a potentially riddled-with-relational-mines interaction, with hilarity and wit, but now on two occasions she has put her professional organizing skills to good use by hanging out in our home over a weekend and found more practical things than pointing out my glaring faults, of which there are indeed many, I grant.
So, today I am super grateful for the help of my friend, Jena.
So, here I give you an email I once received from a well-meaning relative. Names and places are edited to protect the innocent, critical or both :-D (edits are bracketed)
Dear Sarah,
As I informed you all a few weeks ago, we are now safely back (home) and more or less caught up with all we had to do after our return. We had a good, though brief, (trip to visit friends and family) and I was especially pleased to be able to see some of my family including of course...Lois (my mother-in-law who lives with us)... I was also happy to be able to see Lois's new apartment and will now be able to visualise her within it. It was lovely to be able to celebrate Sam's birthday with everyone and to see your parents again, Sarah. Thank you, too, so very much for toting me back and forth to the airport - which you do so well - and for your kind hospitality.
Now, I wanted to mention just one concern that some of us share and since I feel we have a good relationship and I can be open with you, I'm going to try to share it. The last thing I would want to do would be to hurt you, so please forgive me if I inadvertently do so. Our concern (my relatives and I), is all the clutter you have everywhere and the fact
that you don't seem to regularly clean up your house. If Sam wasn't my dearly loved (relative), I'd just ignore it, but since he was brought up in a tidy home with things in their place, I feel this must be really hard for him at times. (I, personally, would feel over whelmed by such a situation). Also, he has a long day at work and when he comes home in the evening and things are in a jumble, I think it adds to his stress.
Since he's now at a very vulnerable age for heart attacks and more and more men of his age are getting them, I'm also concerned for his health. Last year when (husband 's name) was doing rehabilitation for his heart, a middle-aged doctor who was there for the same reason, told him that stress was the major fractor that provoked his heart attack. (He was in good physical shape and had no excess pounds etc.) He also told (husband's name) that nine of the 15 doctors in his area had all recently had heart attacks and the major factor that triggered them was stress.
As I said, I don't want to offend you, but I felt I needed to express what was on my heart. Please don't be upset with..., Lois, since she doesn't even know I'm writing to you, but I know she'd be very happy if things were a bit more orderly in your home.
I trust by now you're having nice Spring weather and that the countryside is being transformed with new leaves and flowers.
Warm love to all,
(Signed her name)
Now, what was I to do with such an email but to call on the help of my good friend Jena?! So I said, 'Hey Jena, you've got spunk. How would you handle this?' She did not disappoint! Here is her reply, which I promptly forwarded to the appropriate recipient.
Dear (relative),
That is my preface to the rest of what I'm about to put here. I'm posting this partly because it is so entertaining...but also because I am exceedingly grateful for the delightful person who wrote the response - who helped me out in my distress some time ago. Not only did she help me address a potentially riddled-with-relational-mines interaction, with hilarity and wit, but now on two occasions she has put her professional organizing skills to good use by hanging out in our home over a weekend and found more practical things than pointing out my glaring faults, of which there are indeed many, I grant.
So, today I am super grateful for the help of my friend, Jena.
Here's the story: A relative came to visit and yet again noticed how cluttered our house tends to be. She decided to speak up, to try to address the problem, because we all know how effective words are in changing a person - by simply pointing out where they are deficient, right?
So, here I give you an email I once received from a well-meaning relative. Names and places are edited to protect the innocent, critical or both :-D (edits are bracketed)
Dear Sarah,
As I informed you all a few weeks ago, we are now safely back (home) and more or less caught up with all we had to do after our return. We had a good, though brief, (trip to visit friends and family) and I was especially pleased to be able to see some of my family including of course...Lois (my mother-in-law who lives with us)... I was also happy to be able to see Lois's new apartment and will now be able to visualise her within it. It was lovely to be able to celebrate Sam's birthday with everyone and to see your parents again, Sarah. Thank you, too, so very much for toting me back and forth to the airport - which you do so well - and for your kind hospitality.
Now, I wanted to mention just one concern that some of us share and since I feel we have a good relationship and I can be open with you, I'm going to try to share it. The last thing I would want to do would be to hurt you, so please forgive me if I inadvertently do so. Our concern (my relatives and I), is all the clutter you have everywhere and the fact
that you don't seem to regularly clean up your house. If Sam wasn't my dearly loved (relative), I'd just ignore it, but since he was brought up in a tidy home with things in their place, I feel this must be really hard for him at times. (I, personally, would feel over whelmed by such a situation). Also, he has a long day at work and when he comes home in the evening and things are in a jumble, I think it adds to his stress.
Since he's now at a very vulnerable age for heart attacks and more and more men of his age are getting them, I'm also concerned for his health. Last year when (husband 's name) was doing rehabilitation for his heart, a middle-aged doctor who was there for the same reason, told him that stress was the major fractor that provoked his heart attack. (He was in good physical shape and had no excess pounds etc.) He also told (husband's name) that nine of the 15 doctors in his area had all recently had heart attacks and the major factor that triggered them was stress.
As I said, I don't want to offend you, but I felt I needed to express what was on my heart. Please don't be upset with..., Lois, since she doesn't even know I'm writing to you, but I know she'd be very happy if things were a bit more orderly in your home.
I trust by now you're having nice Spring weather and that the countryside is being transformed with new leaves and flowers.
Warm love to all,
(Signed her name)
Now, what was I to do with such an email but to call on the help of my good friend Jena?! So I said, 'Hey Jena, you've got spunk. How would you handle this?' She did not disappoint! Here is her reply, which I promptly forwarded to the appropriate recipient.
Dear (relative),
I’m so sorry for the delay in answering this email. I would have answered sooner, but with all of the clutter in my home, I had inadvertently lost my computer. And when I was able to unearth it—under the cobwebs, grime and dirt, I couldn’t find a flat surface in which to set it. As it is now, I have rented a temporary storage unit to place all of the miscellaneous things until the health inspector leaves. Once he leaves, I can focus my attention on caring for my infirm husband.
It was just yesterday, he was struck by a sudden panic or heart attack right around the time he got home from work. He was breathing heavily and moaning something to the effect of.. “this isn’t the way I was raised..” or something like that. Sure enough, when we got to the ER, the doctor confirmed it. Apparently, there is a condition where men who are 40 years old randomly decide to become spontaneously overwhelmed with the lack of order in the home. Who knew? Well, you knew of course.
And they asked us if there was anyone.. anyone at all.. who cared enough for our family to help. Instantly, you came to mind. After all, anyone who cares enough to criticize obviously cares enough to help. So, the matter is solved. All of the children will be arriving in (your country of residence) three days hence.
Sam will be recovering from his anxiety and heart issues in Jamaica, and I will be spending the two weeks that the children are in your care focusing on the orderliness level of our home. I’ve hired several professionals to help me out. I’ve got a team of professional organizers coming in and a cleaning service. You’ll be getting the bill, but that is probably because you inspired the whole adventure!
I am really looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. Thanks for the advice and help.
Your loving (relative),
The amazing thing isn't merely Jena's quick wit and snarkiness - though these are awesome in themselves. The amazing thing is that she happens to be a professional organizer (among other professions she has), and not only did she come to my aid to deflect this critic, but she has come to stay with me to help me in the way only someone like her can: with organizing.
Yes, I get by with a little...okay, maybe a lot, of help from my friends!
Thank you Jena!
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